Saturday

After my very nice swim this morning, I went to Safeway.  I really only needed cat food and Diet Dr. Pepper but I picked up a couple more things so my check out would not look so lame. It did anyway.

As I was heading home, there seemed to be a backup just as I was passing my hair cutting place. Why the fuck not? So I pulled in. I was really overdue anyway. My last haircut was the week after Thanksgiving. The woman at the front desk was clearly not thrilled - muttering about how busy they were today, etc. But I didn't say anything and didn't move and she told me to go wait. I sat down and pulled out my phone and didn't even have time to look up what was causing the traffic backup before Shay came over to get me for my haircut.

I told her the only maintenance I ever would do is run my fingers through it after I finished my shower. And that I did not want an old lady cut. She said OK and that was the last word she uttered until she was nearly done. Seriously. No chit chat. No stupid questions. No nothing. It was heaven. And she did a great job. It's short and wild looking and I love it. I've been going to Rudy's for years. I just walk in and take whoever they give me. I have never once asked for the name of a hair cutter so I could get them again... until today. I have Shay's card with all her contact info. All is good.

I might skip my now daily walk to Uwajimaya. It's already 11:30 and I haven't even turned on the lights in the sewing room. I think I'd better get on that now.

My tweets

• Fri, 17:00: no wings today? no hangout and chew the fat over beers? you guys know it's friday?
• Sat, 11:59: Woot! new Connelly blood. How exciting. But, July?? So long to wait. At least I can pre-order. https://t.co/s9zhAnH3T6

Living with who I am

The now giant email going around from all my classmates finally mentioned me - after listing all the dead ones (6) and the missing (3). Someone asked if the missing Susan Dennis was not, maybe Susan Schubert (my maiden name) and someone responded "Yes. She lives in Seattle and she's not interested."

It sounds so cold and so accurate. I actually am interested, but only in a one way mirror way. I am not interested in being a part of it all. I feel like most, if not all, of those women are fine, interesting people. But they remind me of a time that when I was not who I should have been. Not who I wanted to be. Not even someone I wanted to know. I really do not like being reminded of times like that.

I've actually never been someone who wanted to be loved or liked by everyone. I have, however, always craved respect. I'd like to be admired but I really want to be respected for being smart and sharp and witty. I was none of that when I went to school with those women. So I'm not wild about being dismissed so coldly but it's a fair price to pay.

Most of the time, I'm ok with who I turned out to be. There are definite improvements that could be made but I really don't have motivation to make them at this point.