Obits. Do Not Engage

[susandennis]

Back in the olden days, newspapers (the old timey kind on tree killer paper) had obituaries and death notices.

Death notices were paid ads - think classifieds. The purchaser paid by the character and could write anything they wanted about the dead person. Often they were very short. And mostly they were for legal purposes. Some states still require publication of a death announcement as a legal checkbox to closing the estate. They appeared in the classified section of the paper. (This is why you may see a death notice published a year or so after the death... they are just checking a box to get the estate closed.)

Obituaries were actual news stories in the new section of the newspaper - not written or approved or paid for by family or friends. They were created by a reporter who interviewed family and friends and then wrote about the dead person. If it was a regular nobigdeal person, the reporter would maybe talk to one person and the obit would be very short with no byline.

If it was a notable person, the reporter would talk to several people and the obit would be longer and more interesting and carry the name of the person who wrote it.

If it was a famous person of some age, it is likely the obit writer would have an obit already started and nearly ready to go long before dead.

My husband was an obit writer for the Charlotte Observer in the 80's and he was actually very good at it. It's actually not so much fun to call people who just lost someone they loved but he was very kind and was able to squeeze out the most interesting stuff and then craft it into really neat stories about people.

Because we don't have newspapers, bylined obituaries are really no more. Non bylined obituaries are really no more. Death notices have stepped up to fill the void. Notices on websites and in newspapers that announce the death and describe the dead-ee's life are paid for by the estate - family or friends and are now called obituaries. But because they are paid for, they are not like the ones of old.

A couple of weeks ago there was a lecture here on dying preparation. What you should have in place before you die. I didn't go but lots of others did. By all accounts it was a totally snooze fest and THE ONLY thing everyone walked out with was the information that you should write your own obituary before you die.

There was no information given about what you should do with it or what you direct your heirs to do with it but now everyone is all over this write your own obituary thing. I'm pretty sure most of them are picturing the obits of old - the ones with a byline in the newspaper that was dropped on their doorstep every morning. But don't try to explain and don't tell them not to worry about it or that it's not necessary or even ask what they intend to do with it. Cause they are all in a tizzy about it. Even Myrna. "I don't want my kids to have to do it." But, why does anyone have to do it? What are they going to do with it? Myrna got very snippy with me about it - the one and only time she ever has. I shut up.

So now, when the obit conversation comes up, I just shut up. I guess they all need something to stress over and an obit is a simple thing that hurts nobody and has no consequences at all.

Comments

[days_unfolding]

I wrote my mom's obituary, and actually, it was an interesting exercise and therapeutic. My mom's friends said that I captured her personality, so I guess that I did okay.

[beed]

kind of interesting to think this has really gotten a hold in the cult, but i can't blame them. i guess they want to leave a good impression after they're gone? again, i wouldn't blame them if so (even if that's not what the obit will be written as). =P

Interesting

[bast_magic]

I never thought about my obituary, but now that you mention it, there was one about a witch that went poof and left a trail of sparkles in her wake. I think I'll take that one.

[halfmoon_mollie1]

I wrote my Dad's obituary after having the funeral director write my mother's and leaving out half the family (I was pretty much in shock). This is something I need to think about.

[river57]

My grandfather wrote his own when he was in his early 80s. I sort of rolled my eyes when he did it, but it did come in handy when he died.

[jwg]

My mother said you re not dead until your obituary appears in the New York Times. So I wrote one.

[low_delta]

Our little local paper still runs obituaries, but the big city paper doesn't, as far as I know. But the funeral home websites do - so everybody needs one.

[susandennis]

Not everyone needs one. I sure don't need one. It's not a requirement for my estate.

[low_delta]

True! It's not a need. But it's not like there's no use for them anymore.

[rsc]

The Boston Globe still appears in print as well as online, and they have both death notices and obituaries of the type you describe. Oddly enough, their physical location is generally the back end of the sports section. Obituaries of especially notable people sometimes start on the front page.

I remember when my father died that my brother and I were rather shocked to discover how much newspapers charged fro death notices. (I don't remember the actual amounts; I believe we put one in the New York Times as well as the Philadelphia Inquirer [my parents' last residence was in a suburb of Philly].)

[thruthelookingglass]

I have wondered about this! I subscribe to the Seattle times (in paper form!) and actually always read the obits and death notices. I don’t know why but I always feel like someone should read them and may as well be me.

[fauxklore]

For what it's worth, I read the obits and death notices. I look mostly at The NY Times and various Jewish newspapers. And I look at historical ones for genealogical purposes.

The Gentleman With Whom I'm Conducting the World's Longest Running Brief Meaningless Fling actually got me into this habit. A lot of obits are pretty interesting. But my family tried to avoid them because my mother thought they would make the survivors more likely to have their houses robbed. Despite which, she kept the NYT obit of a cousin by marriage in her desk drawer for 40 or so years. (He was a writer of historical novels for children.)

[empresspatti]

Maybe not for you BUT this was one of the more interesting books I ever read:
The New York Times Book of the Dead: Obituaries of Extraordinary People
by William McDonald (Editor)