WTF???

[susandennis]

My Mom comes back from the doctor today and sends me an email that says: "He says I have heart failure. I'll tell you the rest after I change my clothes and eat the Nutty Buddy that I got at the store."

Ok, I'm thinking... engine failure = you don't go nowhere... kidney failure = you dead... ditto for liver failure... Heart Failure??!! Well, clearly she figures she'll live long enough to get comfortable and finish off her ice cream treat.

Meanwhile I'm having heart failure! Her next email includes a link that her doctor gave her:

Heart Failure - Reading it makes me feel a bit less like she's not going to live to finish that freakin Nutty Butty, but this bit is a little curious:

"About two-thirds of all patients die within 5 years of diagnosis. However, some live beyond 5 years, even into old age."

One third live beyond 5 years into old age???? The woman is 80 now! Geesh. Oh well. Her game plan was to live 10 years beyond Daddy. She's got about 6 years left on that deal so sounds like things aren't too out of whack.

Comments

[pinkfish.livejournal.com]

If you don't mind my saying so, it sounds like she has a good sense of perspective.

[susandennis]

I don't mind at all and you are exactly right. She has a great perspective. (It's a little annoying when she refuses to buy a spare inkjet cartridge because she's not going to live that long, but I guess you have to take the good with the bad.)

She just sent me a note saying that her mother got the same diagnosis when she was 89. And, she adds, 'timing is everything'. The woman is happiest just after ice cream.

[fj.livejournal.com]

While I agree on the ice-cream first / death later perspective, I do think she might have announced it a bit more delicatly to Susan. Email in the vein of "It sounds like I am about to die, will talk later" just isn't what you want to send. Timing is everything.

I was thinking about the eating ice-cream just then just there just as much as you want to; I guess you get to do that when you are 80. My mother always said that when she turned 80 she wanted to do heroin so she knew what all the fuss and nonsense was about. We were ok with that.

[susandennis]

It's fine about the email... That's how we communicate. And she has a whole bunch of other things that will likely kill her first. We have a fairly sanguin approach to dying. And ice cream. And doing what we want when we're old. My 'old' was 50 and her's was When Daddy Dies. So we're in good shape.

But, I think both of us forgot about the heroin! She did once accuse the bartender (of whom she is very fond) at the retirement home where she lives of slipping her a date rape drug but he countered - fairly accurately - that that was wishful thinking on her part.

Heart Failure...

[lady-curmudgeon.livejournal.com]

Congestive heart failure, correct? Sounds really daunting and final, but not necessarily so. My dad was first diagnosed with it about 15 years ago. There are treatments available to slow its progression, in the form of various meds, but as far as I know it's a progressive disease that can't be cured.

My dad has a LOT of heart problems, so the heart failure part is probably one of the least of his worries. Heart problems are always one of the scariest things to go through with someone you love, as is the big C word. Try to learn as much as you can about your mom's condition and make sure she stays diligent about keeping her doctor visits and maintaining meds she might be prescribed. It'll help you feel a little less powerless and will calm your fears.

I guess what I'm trying to say is--try not to worry about it! This is a natural part of the aging process. Chances are she won't even notice this condition unless she's really exerting herself or it's hot and muggy outside--then she'll notice that she feels out of breath and tires easily.

(((hugs)))
Pam, cardiac patient's kid. <3

Re: Heart Failure...

[susandennis]

Oh thank you but I am not as worried as my entry sounded. She has had a bunch of little strokes and can't walk far now without being out of breath and has a host of other problems. And, neither one of us is interested in living forever. She's ready whenever as am I.

Having said all of that, however, your comment had some interesting tidbits. Thanks!

TMI . .

[idajo.livejournal.com]

I think I'd like your mom . . and I know I like your attitude, Susan. I was diagnosed with congestive heart failure (CHF) five years ago. As one who wanted to "take ownership" of her health issues, I rushed home, plopped myself down in front of the computer and started researching. Geeeeeze! I quickly came to the conclusion that not only was I scaring the living hell out of myself but I had a decision to make. I could either chose to be well-informed and relatively knowledgeable about what I needed to do to extend my "life expectancy" or I could innundate myself with web-based horror stories and scare myself to death!

It's a matter of perspective, I think. Life is 100% fatal. It's how we chose to live it that counts . .

My diagnosis was overturned by UW's Cardiology Department a few years later . . but I'd already come to the conclusion that if I had to leave the dance early, I'd simply have to dance a little faster while I had the chance!

Re: TMI . .

[susandennis]

I love that... But you think they could have called it something else... Really. One of the most often heard phrases on my house growing up was 'Eat, drnk and be merry for tomorrow we may die.'

Of course, the other one was 'go clean up your room!!!'

[jawnbc]

Hey Suze (can I call you Suze?),

Living and loving with an aging parent or grandparent (in my case both) can be un-fun. And often, the reasonable, realistic an candid ways my people cope are the sorts of thing that can make me un-happy.

Mum's got advanced emphysema (fookin' tobacco), Nanny's merely 95.5, remarkably spry really. Ironically 11 Sept 2001 actually improved Mum's perspective, she being a NYer. Prior to that stuff she was terrified (who wouldn't be terrified of being unable to catch their breath?); since she's shifted into "living with it on its terms." Quite graciously, in her own combative way.

With Nanny I'm more selfish. Before I left for Oz, she had agreed to live (!) long enough to attend 3 cousins's weddings in Summer 2002. So it seemed only fair that she agree to live until I'm back in Vancouver in late 2003. Since I'm her favourite (I am so lucky! I am so lucky!), 'twas an easy deal to close. Grandchildren can be so selfish.

Sounds like you and your Mom have a great relationship. Woo hoo!

[susandennis]

Absolutely, you can call me Suze! I like it!! Your mother's a New Yorker and you're from Vancouver but in Sydney... You are like a walking geography lesson!!

But, that is nice of your Nanny to agree to live until you got back. She sounds quite sporting!

[minimac.livejournal.com]

My Mom is to chocolate like your Mom is to ice cream.....an excerpt from one of my journal entries: '...my Mom is a self-proclaimed "chocoholic" (guess we all have our weaknesses). Going out to dinner with her is a study in role reversal: "Mom, you can't order 'chocolate thunder from downunder' for your entree... you need something more nutritional.'
She had triple bypass surgery in 1992...heart disease runs rampant in her immediate family (lost her brother and father to heart attacks...both at young ages). She enjoys her chocolate but she also watches other things that she eats...a kind of tit for tat thing...and she's doing just great! I swear I think chocolate helps keep her going (that, and she is very active). She'll be 83 this Thursday! That Nutty Buddy may be just what your Mom needs to keep on keepin' on!

[joyofmacs.livejournal.com]

Your mother is one heck of a woman. The acorn did not fall far.

I love reading your "mom" stories.