I think I fixed it...

[susandennis]

Ann came in this afternoon and said she had to run out to the nursing place. Ron came home this morning but didn't bring all the medication he needed with him. She said 'you wanna take a ride?' and I said 'you wanna go in a Smart car??!!'

I was delighted to have an excuse. So we hopped in and went and she started in about the Chinese nurse who had a lisp and the beanie boys at the nursing home (which keeps kosher) and I flipped.

me: you really need to stop that.
her: what?
me: denigrating people because they are different
her: really? it's just between you and me.
me: it really offends me so maybe you can make it just between you.
her: oh ok
me: (pointing to a restaurant at the intersection and making my tone light and conversational) have you ever eaten there?
her: (tone matching mine) i haven't but it is always crowded, maybe we should try it

and we went on chatting and I heard no more racial slurs out of her. I so hope it ends.

She enjoyed the car and the trip and when we got home, Ron was walking down the hallway. His recovery calls for 10 minutes of walking and our hallway is nice and long and perfect for that. He looks good.

Comments

[kayre]

Wonderful that you were able to make your point in such a gentle way! I suspect she'll need a few more reminders, but you've drawn a clear line now.

[susandennis]

hope so. thanks for the supportive words.

[fj.livejournal.com]

her: really? it's just between you and me.

Gawd. No seriously.

[fj.livejournal.com]

BTW, this post is public.

[susandennis]

I understand that. She will never see it but, even if she does, I have no problem with that. She was there, she knows what happened and how I feel. I'm glad I was able to tell her and keep her as a friend.

[machupicchu.livejournal.com]

.
.
Maybe some day I can learn to shut down people's bad behaviors with such grace and tact! I'm impressed.
.
.

[susandennis]

thanks. i wish i could change her mind about the people she disses but if i can discourages her from talking smack about them, it's a little bit of a victory, i think.

[basefinder.livejournal.com]

"it really offends me so maybe you can make it just between you."

Beautiful response!

[susandennis]

Thank you. it seemed to work, i hope.

[mikeybill.livejournal.com]

You handled that well.

[susandennis]

Thank you. i hope so. time will tell.

[annietopia.livejournal.com]

Good for you and quite the quick/smart response.

I think people sometimes forget the comfort zone etiquette. They let that freak flag fly a bit too high thinking that anything and everything is acceptable among friends. While I want my friends to feel comfortable while being around me, respect should always be there.

[rsc.livejournal.com]

Good for you!