The Mom Front

[susandennis]

Well the latest report isn't that good. Bill says Mom is pretty disoriented and keeps getting confused. She apparently walked to the bathroom but with a whole lotta help. And she's not eating. He says she's not going to be able to be on her own.

My sister has offered to come. This is a biggie. She never offers unless there is something in it for her but she has now. And, actually, she might not be a bad one to have there. She's a nosey bitch who will make the life of anyone who does not do her bidding a living hell. She's particularly menacing with medical people. As a result she makes a rather good advocate for someone who can't advocate for herself.

I actually could go but I don't want to. I hate dealing with medical stuff. I don't want to see Mom all confused. I just don't want to do it. I have my strengths and none of them get near this situation.

So... I don't know. I'm prepared for her to die. I really am. I've been working on that one for a while. I'm not prepared for her to not be able to take care of herself. I don't know how to handle that.

Comments

[s0ulchyld.livejournal.com]

I understand. I understand so well. I know you know this, but it's true that if that isn't your strong point, you really shouldn't be there. It's like any medical staff - if they can't leave their problems by the door when they come to work, they are more of a liability dealing with sick people than a help.

My sister's a "nosey bitch" to, and anyone in hospital needs one of those.

I'm thinking about you.

- Kimberly

[susandennis]

Thank you so much. I needed those words a lot just now. Thank you.

[s0ulchyld.livejournal.com]

a "tip" if you will:

If it gets to a point where your mom cannot communicate to you what is going on with her (due to extreme exhaustion and/or incoherent due to medication - that's what happened to my mom) call the doctor's office who is her doctor for the hospital and just harass them until he calls you. Get your siblings to call, too. Eventually they'll get so sick of you calling, he'll answer your questions.

Hopefully, your mom's doctors are much better than my mother's were.

All the love in my heart into yours.

- Kim

[susandennis]

That's the good news... her regular every day doctor is wonderful. And so is his office staff. I called there one day this week to see if the staff knew anything and they made me talk to the doctor who really didn't have much to say but wanted to tell me himself. We are lucky there. Unless my sister screws that up. But, I think they are sharp enough to outsmart her.

[joyofmacs.livejournal.com]

Poor Mom! Poor you. I am so sorry this is happening this way, Susan. Am thinking of you and your Mom in this difficult and scary time.

[susandennis]

Thanks so much. Really.

[ruralrob.livejournal.com]

This is a new side to you, Susan, that you haven't shown us before - I'll call it the vulnerable side. It's actually very touching and loveable. Anyway, some people send *HUGS* at times like this, which is entirely appropriate, so I'm going to do the same.

***HUGS***

[susandennis]

Hugs gratefully accepted but I'm back to my regular self now. Not so loveable but pretty darned snappy!

[sylphishone.livejournal.com]

I think the time will come when you need to go but this isn't the time I think yet. I do think your sister going is good. I agree everyone in the hospital needs someone like her that will drive everyone nuts and make them take good care of her. Just wait and see what happens.

[cloverbee.livejournal.com]

God, I'm so sorry you & your mom are going through this. My thoughts and prayers are with you both.

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

I'm so sorry.

I went through a little bit of that last year when my mom was diagnosed with inflammatory breast cancer. She didn't want any treatment. Everyone else was upset with her, but I decided it was her life and her decision and told her so. I started to let her go. In the end she went for chemo and a mastectomy and she's doing fine now.

[susandennis]

You are a remarkable son to honor and trust your mother's decision. I'm glad she's doing fine but I love that you were willing to let her be what and who she wanted to be. I hope that if anyone is ever in charge of me they will feel that way.

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

My relationships with Mom is not so good in many ways. But I've had enough problems of my own to learn to make the most of today. After 70 healthy years Mom wanted quality more than quantity, and I could understand that.

((((Susan))))

[lady-curmudgeon.livejournal.com]

I was fortunate to be spared this part of dying with my dad because he ended up going so suddenly and unexpectedly on us. Hopefully this is just a temporary thing with your mom, but if it's not, I hope the good Lord takes her soon. That is no way to live, in my opinion, and from what you've said about her she wouldn't want to live like that either. My heart goes out to you, your mom, and the rest of your family.

Try to hang in there, friend.

((((more big hugs and lots of soothing, calming thoughts))))

Re: ((((Susan))))

[susandennis]

Thank you and yes, you are right about none of us wanting to live like produce. But, I also think that she's been living the past few months on willpower and once she loses that, the end will be swift. At least I hope so.

Am taking in your soothing, calming thoughts. They help very much.

[rsc.livejournal.com]

Oh yes, this is a tough one. My mother had a major health crisis followed by very slow recovery a couple of years ago, and I really didn't want to be there. I did go a few times -- I really had to. Fortunately my brother lives in the same metropolitan area as my parents and his wife is an MD (psych), so she knew how to get information out of the medical staff. But it didn't seem fair to leave them with the whole weight.

I think you're probably right not to go, feeling as you do, especially as there are other siblings on the spot. The one caveat is that if she does die, you'll very likely regret not having seen her one last time.

My best wishes go out to you and her. *Hugs*

[susandennis]

It's funny but I do use the 'last time' measuring stick a good deal. For the past couple of years, at the end of every visit, I project as if it is my last and make sure everything is said and done that needs to.

I'm a lot more ok with never seeing her again than seeing her incapacitated and disassociated.

And, you know, for the first time in my life, probably, I am really and truly grateful for my siblings.