Better already

[susandennis]

I got a lovely follow up note from my brother saying that he really thinks a lot of Mom's disassociation problems may be with the pain medication and that I am not in this alone that he is perfectly willing to carry half the load and for me not to panic yet. It was a sweet note.

Then I realized that my biggest problem was guilt. I live, by choice, 3,000 miles away. I don't have to but I want to. And I feel guilty about not being there for her.

And THEN I remembered Grandma. My mother's mom lived in a nursing home for years and years. My Mom was an only child. Grandma lived in Oklahoma. Mom lived no where near there - up and down the east coast but never closer than 1,500 miles - all those years. She did for Grandma, she went to visit, she sent us, she made sure all was fine. Grandma had picked the place while she was still in good shape and was happy there to the very end.

Mom was fine with all of it and has kind of followed the model. She has set herself up in a place that can take care of her. She doesn't expect me to so I shouldn't expect to or feel guilty about not.

So after my little meltdown, I'm all back together now and ready to deal. Thanks, everyone, for being there.

Comments

[kyrielle]

**hugs** Glad you are feeling better. And also glad of the thought that the pain meds may be the cause of the disorientation - that makes sense, and I hope it's the case.

[angelamermaid.livejournal.com]

I'm glad things may be better for your mom than you thought earlier. Your mom sounds like a hoot, and I look forward to more stories and anecdotes. :-)

[fj.livejournal.com]

I know the guilt. I was lucky enough to be able to discuss it with my mom on one of my frequent trips during her terminal illness. She made clear she didn't think of me as slacking. I don't know if any of the other siblings did, but only my mom's opinion counts.

Two things I learned:
1) Travel / communicate often.
2) Discuss everything when you are both up to it.

[melodysk.livejournal.com]

Now you see...*thats* the problem with being in another time zone ..I don't get to read some of your posts until AFTER the event :(

Wish I had been around to offer comfort earlier on Susan ..but still , good news now :)

Guilt is a bitch isn't it?

[nitemirror.livejournal.com]

Things are a little different with me, but I think I can relate to a different kind of "Mom guilt" and perhaps a similar kind of "melting down" (I'm not sure I'm done with my "melting down" from ... things).

I hope things keep getting better for you and your family.

It's a testimony

[spiritgirl.livejournal.com]

Your situation is a great story about families working together and not having a decent quality of life dependent on each other. It's something we all should think about. I don't want my children to have to care for my daily needs when I am old. They have their own life to lead. They won't "owe me" for me birthing and raising them. You do a lot for your mom, out of your love for her....as your offering to your relationship. That's a wonderful testimony about a healthy relationship. Your're doing great.

[ruby-stone.livejournal.com]

Sounds like you have had some week - I just caught up on all the ups and downs about your mum. Glad to hear things seem to be more positive.
I have the dreaded guilt disease too :) Having chosen to move away over 20 years ago, I sometimes wonder what on earth I'm doing miles away! My parents were over last week and its worrying to see them getting older and my mum getting less mobile. It pays not to dwell on it, doesn't it? But virtually impossible not to sometimes ...