Better already

[susandennis]

I got a lovely follow up note from my brother saying that he really thinks a lot of Mom's disassociation problems may be with the pain medication and that I am not in this alone that he is perfectly willing to carry half the load and for me not to panic yet. It was a sweet note.

Then I realized that my biggest problem was guilt. I live, by choice, 3,000 miles away. I don't have to but I want to. And I feel guilty about not being there for her.

And THEN I remembered Grandma. My mother's mom lived in a nursing home for years and years. My Mom was an only child. Grandma lived in Oklahoma. Mom lived no where near there - up and down the east coast but never closer than 1,500 miles - all those years. She did for Grandma, she went to visit, she sent us, she made sure all was fine. Grandma had picked the place while she was still in good shape and was happy there to the very end.

Mom was fine with all of it and has kind of followed the model. She has set herself up in a place that can take care of her. She doesn't expect me to so I shouldn't expect to or feel guilty about not.

So after my little meltdown, I'm all back together now and ready to deal. Thanks, everyone, for being there.