Pulling the plug - or feeding tube

[susandennis]

I've been doing a lot of thinking and trolling and conjuring on the redesign project. No, I am not pulling the plug on the project by any means... But hang in there.

My main stumbler has been how to convey what I want to Sheri in a way that will inspire her and give her good guidance. I think I've pretty much settled on my bed linens. A couple of years ago, I bought a duvet cover and two pillow covers from Linens and things. In the store, I knew I liked the colors. When I got it home, I realized I had a gem. It is beautifully made - little ties to keep the duvet in, little hand holes to get the bottom straight, smooth buttons that look nice, are hidden and work excellently and a nice squared tabbed edge all around it. It's just a nice piece. And I still love love love the colors.

So I think my new direction to Sheri will be: I want walls, floor and furniture that make that duvet cover look like it belongs there - like it was created just for that condo. That's what I want.

I haven't noodled out the finances yet. How much is too much. How much is reasonable. What's my reason behind reasonable...

I have the cash. It's in investments. I don't have enough to quit my job now and maintain my current lifestyle forever. But, I do have enough to redecorate and still have a healthy stash for someday.

But, a lot of factors have come together to make me consider what my someday will be or might be. I am too angry at Republicans right now to even comment on their involvement with Terri Schiavo, but I do appreciate that it has initiated difficult conversations that may well prevent others from going through what she and her husband have had to.

Personally, I've long said - loudly and on paper and often - that I do not want to ever ever ever be plugged in. If someone has to make the 'pull the plug' decision on me, someone else has already fucked up. I'd love to have DNR tatooed on my forehead. I've thought long and hard about this for many years and revisited my thoughts often. I am not interested in medical treatment. I have had a fine life. If it ends this afternoon it will have been a fine life and I will have been grateful.

I do not intend to live long. In many ways, I think I've already overstayed my welcome. So saving vast sums so that I can live in comfort for many years to come is just silly. There's a funky balance that I've never quite gotten a grasp of. I pay a tidy sum each year for Long Term Care insurance that I hope - hopetogod - that I never ever every have to use. I need justincase money but how much?

Why not unfold the wallet now? Get the best. Enjoy it while I'm here. What in the heck am I saving it for so my sister can wallow in her version of winning the lottery?