Pivot

[susandennis]

I was thinking about this all day yesterday and then estis had an entry (with a great link) to it and it got promoted to entry fodder.

I was raised in the 50's. Father Knows Best, Dragnet. But even with Civil Defense Drills and bomb shelters and the Cuban Missile Crisis, I felt safe. I was not a bright child but even I knew the grownups were smokin' something when they gave us paper ID tags to wear in the event of an atomic bomb. Hard to take that kind of shit seriously even when you are 10 and still buying crap that grownups are selling.

I felt safe because I was safe. I was a girl. Boys got drafted to go to war and get killed. Girls did not. I felt guilty but I felt safe.

Until May 4, 1970. I was a junior in college an hour away from Kent State University. We were used to seeing the National Guard. Nearly every peace march brought 'em out. They were a menace but a harmless one. Until May 4, 1970. The menace shot their guns at people - people just like me - people one hour from me - people who really and truly could have been me.

We spent the next few weeks after May 4, knowing that our campus was next that our days were numbered. Gradually, only the war and the politics of it got worse, college life kind of got back to normal.

But, I honestly have not ever felt the kind of safe that I had before May 4th again. I have never felt comfortable with anyone in military or paramilitary uniform. I know my fears and discomfort are ridiculous and I try hard to overcome them and remember that a lot of people in uniform and real people doing real and important jobs. But, in my unguarded moments, they can sometimes really creep me out. (The weeks in 1989 when TV was full of the events in Tiananmen Square kept me glued to the TV with my eyes closed and my hands over my ears.)

I kind of thought that once I got this all written down I would have some profound summation about this turning point in my own life. I don't. But I sure do remember it so well and so clearly.

Comments

[androkles.livejournal.com]

Thanks for the memories. That was an event that ricocheted around the world. I was protesting the same thing at the same time. You're right, it changed everything.

[susandennis]

Lately, I've been struck by how global LJ has made my view of everything. I was so insulated before the Internet. I knew of other countries but really only as map blobs. I didn't know people with lives like mine. Never thought about it at all. I marvel at how much richer all my experiences are because I now have such a bigger world in which to experience them. That I can share what was a pivotal life moment to me with a Kiwi living in Sydney is just amazingly wonderful to me. And that I get a chance to get a glimpse into how my peers in other countries view the world is top on my list of things I am grateful for every single day.

Thank you for your piece of that rock!

[geordie.livejournal.com]

I wasn't even here and the idea that the military in the "Land of the free and the home of the brave" was turned loose on a bunch of teenagers is horrifying. It does leave a permanent distrust.

Thanks for the reminder

[hlee.livejournal.com]

I was a freshman at CWRU in Cleveland.You're right, May 4th changed everything.

[fredli.livejournal.com]

There was fear in the air in those days. There were four dead in Ohio, many dead in Vietnam, and many more killed on the nation's highways.
It's not death alone, but fear and uncertainty we protest against. "How dare you make me afraid?" Kennedy and Johnson both felt afraid.
Shouldn't we all have? After the deaths in Bali
how can Australians not want the scourge of terrorism dealt with in some way that that does not mean many more deaths (thousands, say)?