My Mom's Mom
Aug. 15th, 2004 03:06 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
susandennisMy Mom's Mom (the squishy arms Grandma) was virtually bedridden for the last 10 years of her life. With help, sometimes, she could be dressed and wheeled down to dinner, but mostly she stayed in bed. Periodically she would have heart attacks or other problems that would render her really out of it for long periods of time.
During my very brief marriage, I took my husband out to Oklahoma to visit her. She was pretty unconscious at the time. I had no indication that she had any clue we were there. But, I spent a couple of days sitting by her bed holding her hand and just talking to her. (It beat sitting in the motel with my husband...)
She didn't seem really comfortable and I thought at the time that it was just cruel that she had to keep living. I could see no reason for it at all.
About a month after we got home, Mom called one day to tell me she had just talked to Grandma on the phone and Grandma had told her all about my visit. And, she had asked when Bob (my husband) had grown that beard and had he grown it to make me happy (which actually was exactly why!)... She also told Mom that she thought I was not too happy being married. (Nailed that one, Grandma.)
This from a woman who was basically in a coma the whole time I was there!
She lived on and enjoyed her greatgrandchildren's visits and other treats that life brings for several years after that. It was a good lesson for me and one I have thought of several times in the past few days.
My own Mom, who has not been at the computer for several days, just sent me an email. "Check my computer, please and tell me if I can just delete the note at the top from Howard." Nothing else, just business as usual. (Howard is always sending her crap - he's one of the 'inmates at the home' and feels compelled to share everything with any email address he knows.)
The big lesson here for me is quit guessing, be ready for anything and just go with the flow...
During my very brief marriage, I took my husband out to Oklahoma to visit her. She was pretty unconscious at the time. I had no indication that she had any clue we were there. But, I spent a couple of days sitting by her bed holding her hand and just talking to her. (It beat sitting in the motel with my husband...)
She didn't seem really comfortable and I thought at the time that it was just cruel that she had to keep living. I could see no reason for it at all.
About a month after we got home, Mom called one day to tell me she had just talked to Grandma on the phone and Grandma had told her all about my visit. And, she had asked when Bob (my husband) had grown that beard and had he grown it to make me happy (which actually was exactly why!)... She also told Mom that she thought I was not too happy being married. (Nailed that one, Grandma.)
This from a woman who was basically in a coma the whole time I was there!
She lived on and enjoyed her greatgrandchildren's visits and other treats that life brings for several years after that. It was a good lesson for me and one I have thought of several times in the past few days.
My own Mom, who has not been at the computer for several days, just sent me an email. "Check my computer, please and tell me if I can just delete the note at the top from Howard." Nothing else, just business as usual. (Howard is always sending her crap - he's one of the 'inmates at the home' and feels compelled to share everything with any email address he knows.)
The big lesson here for me is quit guessing, be ready for anything and just go with the flow...
(no subject)
Date: 2004-08-15 07:06 pm (UTC)My Ma lived paralyzed by fear of her (impending) death a couple of years after her diagnosis with emphysema/COPD. Paradoxically it was 11/9/01 that freed her of that fear. The horrors of that day made her resolute to enjoy whatever time she had left. And that was nearly 3 years ago. "I'm very blessed" she said to me recently, between wheezes and as the oxygen machine clicked away. "I have a good life."
Indeed.
(no subject)
Date: 2004-08-15 08:07 pm (UTC)