Another decision...

[susandennis]

The latest is that my brother has asked Mom for her car. She says that he needs to replace his truck right now and figures she'll never need the car again so can he have it?

She mentioned this to me today and said she's trying to figure out what to do about it. She said she didn't know if she wanted to keep it, ever was going to need it again, and, if not, what's a fair way to let him have it - fair to me and my sister, that is.

I said that my unsolicited opinion is that she needs to keep it for a while. She said that the reason she told me about it in the first place was to see if I had an opinion and if so, what was it. So I gave it to her.

I think she's made enough decisions and had enough churn in her life recently. And when she does not even need to make the decision now, making one to give up her only means of self transportation ever again as long as she lives is just not a good move. I advised her to wait. Wait at least a few months and see if she wants to keep it, wants to sell it, wants to give it away.

I also reminded her that when Daddy died, she gave my brother Daddy's Miata. And then she was really kind of pissed when he turned right around and sold it.

She said she was not emotionally attached to this car and I said that I thought she was pretty emotionally attached to getting around on her own or at least having the option and she did agree with that. I pointed out that if she gave the car away and decided in 6 months that she wanted her own transportation again, chances were good she wouldn't buy another car and she would be stuck.

But, mainly, right now, I think she doesn't need to be making any more life choices than are absolutely necessary to get through the day. The car is paid for. The insurance is paid for. The registration is paid for. Keeping it in the parking lot another 6 months ain't going to hurt a thing.

But, I'm not really happy with my brother for bringing this up at this time. It really wasn't a nice thing for him to do.

Comments

[fj.livejournal.com]

Sometimes people can just be clueless about emotional circumstances, and they just see their opportunity.

[angelamermaid.livejournal.com]

She said that the reason she told me about it in the first place was to see if I had an opinion and if so, what was it. So I gave it to her.

We'd expect nothing less from you. :-) And I agree with you - the timing sucks.

[letmesaythis.livejournal.com]

Good call, Susan. I'd have told her the same or close to it. She probably wanted to tell him no but to help ease her guilt about refusing her son (mom's always feel guilty when saying no to the kids no matter how old they are) she needed to hear from you that she's right. :) Listen, when I need a champion for my causes do you think you might be available? Just kidding...unless you're willing... ha ha

[jwg.livejournal.com]

I'd say keeping the decision pressure off your mom for a while is exactly the right thing to do now. She needs some time to get used to her completely different living situation and for her health to stabilize. I'd think that only after a while will it be clear if she will be able to safely drive on her own.

Does her will or other instructions specify how to give away her possessions? If so then when she is ready to give away stuff she could just follow what she had already decided.

[susandennis]

Yeah this is the problem. Her will says that we each get a third. The idea is that I get a value for all that is not cash and then we take that pile and divide it into 3. If my sister wants hers half in goods and half in cash, fine.

But, since there's no dead yet, and my brother and I don't want stuff equal in value to what my sister wants...

Mother and Daddy spent all of our lives bending over backwards to be equally fair with all of us and Mom is still working it. But, when she dies, I am the executor and boy are some siblings in for a surprise! Ha!