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susandennisI have had vivid dreams that included my father for the past few nights. The dreams are not memories but have moved him from dead to alive today.
He died in August of 1999. He had a heart attack on Sunday morning and he died on Thursday morning. I got there just after noon on Thursday. To be honest, I was relieved to have gotten there too late.
Daddy is a very strong presence in my life and always will be. But as adults we sat at opposite ends of the political and social and sometimes moral table. We shared strength and stubbornness. In the last 20 years of his life, we saw each other about 5 times and talked on the phone maybe once every three months or so.
But once, when he and mother came to see my sister (who lives 2 hours by car and then a other 30 minutes by ferry from here), they stopped here for the night before and after spending the week with her - they were actually visiting their grandchildren. Anyway, during that visit, Daddy and I had a relatively short but pointed conversation which covered all the things we need to say to each other as well as exchange of expectations. We shared financial information so that he knew not to worry about me and vice versa. We agreed that there were going to always be critical areas of serious disagreement between us.
I have some wonderful memories of times with him and some memories that can still make me angry just to think of them. I am grateful for all of what he passed on to me and can point to advice - particularly career advice - that has been truly invaluable to me over and over again.
I don't miss him particularly. And I'm not big on dream analysis or even paying attention to my dreams too much. But I'd like to have my sleep back, please.
He died in August of 1999. He had a heart attack on Sunday morning and he died on Thursday morning. I got there just after noon on Thursday. To be honest, I was relieved to have gotten there too late.
Daddy is a very strong presence in my life and always will be. But as adults we sat at opposite ends of the political and social and sometimes moral table. We shared strength and stubbornness. In the last 20 years of his life, we saw each other about 5 times and talked on the phone maybe once every three months or so.
But once, when he and mother came to see my sister (who lives 2 hours by car and then a other 30 minutes by ferry from here), they stopped here for the night before and after spending the week with her - they were actually visiting their grandchildren. Anyway, during that visit, Daddy and I had a relatively short but pointed conversation which covered all the things we need to say to each other as well as exchange of expectations. We shared financial information so that he knew not to worry about me and vice versa. We agreed that there were going to always be critical areas of serious disagreement between us.
I have some wonderful memories of times with him and some memories that can still make me angry just to think of them. I am grateful for all of what he passed on to me and can point to advice - particularly career advice - that has been truly invaluable to me over and over again.
I don't miss him particularly. And I'm not big on dream analysis or even paying attention to my dreams too much. But I'd like to have my sleep back, please.
(no subject)
Date: 2004-11-14 10:01 am (UTC)Must be that DSL modem extravaganza from last week
thought messing with your sub conscious.
Hopefully, you'll sleep better now!
Btw, one of your jigsaw puzzles has kept me busy off and on since Friday. Lorikeet. Thank you.
(no subject)
Date: 2004-11-14 10:17 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2004-11-14 11:46 am (UTC)My father was a redneck. But I like to think he would have changed with the times if he'd lived. That thought comforts me.
I think you have a healthy attitude, though. Very pragmatic.
(no subject)
Date: 2004-11-14 12:56 pm (UTC)Whew... Guess I still have a few issues :)