Smoking

[susandennis]

This entry is one that I've hesitated making now for a couple of weeks. It's kind of crossing a line that I don't know if I'm ready to cross but here goes anyway.

I've been smoking cigarettes for nearly 40 years. Yep. I was raised in the heart of the tobacco land in a city who's name is most recognized as two cigarette brands. My parents both smoked. I only knew one pair of adults who didn't. This couple were friends of my parents and they often had unlit cigarettes in their hands. I asked my mother once why they did that and she explained that most of their friends earned their living from the tobacco industry and while they (the couple) could not really support the industry due to asthma, they showed their emotional support by carrying cigarettes.

In those 40 years, I've never considered not smoking. Once, when I was married, my husband decided we should quit. So I stopped for as long as he did - about a week as I remember - then when he started smoking again, that was the end of it.

The conventional reasons for not smoking are pretty meaningless to me. I'm not interested in living forever or even to an old age. I'm going to die of something and any number of the illnesses that smoking causes is as good as any. I am never around children and have no influence over any of them. I live alone and, frankly, can't really tell that my house stinks of cigarette smoke. My teeth are as stained by coffee as by cigarettes. Etc. etc. Plus, smoking has always given me more than it's taken away. You meet interesting people out in the smoking areas. It has zero calories. At work, it's a great excuse to get up, walk around, go outside. Etc. etc.

But, things are changing and I'm going to have to make some changes. I've had a cough for about the past two weeks. It's mainly a dry cough that is very annoying. It's started to interrupt my sleep. And it's getting harder and harder to breathe. When I wake up in the morning, it takes me a few minutes just to get a breath. This is not good and it's annoying. In the past week, I've smoked a couple of cigarettes that I didn't even enjoy and that were difficult to even smoke without coughing... time to do something. So I've washed out the ashtray and put it away. I've cancelled my standing order at esmokes.com.

I have no idea if I'll be able to not smoke. We'll see.

Whenever I see someone older than me smoking, I think - Ha, they are still alive! Whenever I ask someone I know who has quit if they still want a cigarette they always say with passion "yes!" I think by writing this entry, I'm drawing a line in the sand - kind of a helper application for me.

Today could be interesting... I think maybe I'll start by wiping all the ash off this keyboard....

Comments

[cloverbee.livejournal.com]

My husband & I both fell into the habit years about 5 years ago. He had smoked during his teens and twenties and I had never even thought about it. I started smoking cloves when I was out with my friends and one thing led to another. Although our stint lasted only 5 years, it was incredibly hard to stop. But like you, I was finding it hard to breathe and my lungs hurt after smoking. Cloves are really tough on you, the brand we liked are comprised of about 30% clove and 70% pipe tobacco. They even burn down to this funky orange yellow smoke.

Lots of people offered me advice on the best way to quit. And most of it was useless. I had to find my own method, and my husband had to find his. One thing that you said was very true for us, if one failed the other was right behind. So now, even though I admit to being guilty of sneaking one every once in awhile and have not fell back into constant smoking, my husband still chews nicorette gum 6 months later.

I wish you well and even though we only met a few days ago over pimento cheese - you are in my thoughts - and I hope you get through it peacefully and quickly.

[susandennis]

Thank you. Peacefully and quickly would be wonderful. And I think that pimento cheese might just help!

[judith.livejournal.com]

What a terrific description of your environment and how it's been for you. Very different from many others. I grew up in smoke-filled rooms because my mother smoked, and I saw nothing wrong with it at the time. I never started smoking, so I just feel lucky. I have read that it is the hardest addiction to fight, worse than the harder drugs. I have also read that it only takes two cigarettes to become addicted. My daughters started smoking much for the positive reasons you mentioned - the comradery - you can ask for a light or even a cigarette and start a conversation - and have had quite a time quitting. One seems to have made it, has gone about 18 months now, doesn't seem to crave them any more. I also understand that it is easier if you quit when you're young.

Thank you for posting that. I use my journal to make statements to the world and to myself about my intentions and hopes, and I think it really does help me stay on track. Sometimes...

I saw my stepmother die of emphysema. She was a Christian Scientist, so did not end her days on oxygen or in the hospital, but she had a lot of trouble catching her breath. It was awful to watch and I was glad to hear that she got up one night to go to the bathroom and fell down dead. I couldn't wish for a better way to go myself. But for her, I was relieved because it stopped her pain. I hope you can stop this from happening to you.

[susandennis]

Thank you. You have a wonderful attitude for someone who's never smoked - very understanding and I really appreciate it.

I think my real problem is that I don't want to be a non-smoker. But, I am, I guess, pretty attached to breathing.

I'm not sure what's going to happen. Since I've never really considered quitting before, I don't know much about how to do it. Except just not do it. So I'm going to give that a try.

I do so much appreciate the sympathy and the support. I'm not sure I thought about the value of that and it surprises me a bit and delights. Thanks.

[kenwalker.livejournal.com]

I smoked for over fourteen years. At the time money was an issue and thats why I quit. I am really glad I did. Food taste better and it's nice not spending 15 or 20 minutes coughing every morning after a shower. The bad thing is, now I can smell cigarette smoke on anything. Bars and casinos smell horrible, people who chain smoke smell pretty stale too. People that smoke regularly aren't near as bad but I remember a time when I couldn't smell it at all.

By the way, 'mento-cheese' is just as common as tuna salad down here in Memphis.

[geordie.livejournal.com]

I'm from the other side of the tracks, so to speak. Few in my family ever smoked. I have the usual stories and some are quite close, but you don't need to hear them.

People get all bent out of shape about smoking, on both sides of the fence. So I just wish you good luck with the effort and good health either way.

[susandennis]

Thanks...

[julesong.livejournal.com]

I've smoked off and on since I was a teenager, but I never really got into the habit of it. It was too expensive, for one thing. And as a musician, a vocalist, it's really difficult to sing well and smoke regularly.

But the smell of cigarette smoke and black coffee still smells fondly of my dad, though...

[julesong.livejournal.com]

PS: good non-smoking vibes sent your way! :)

[susandennis]

I really appreciate all the good vibes I can get...Thanks!

[susandennis]

And for me it's cigar smoke and my grandpa..

Good Luck

[melodysk.livejournal.com]

Similar story here ...when I was little , my father was a heavy smoker and my mother a social smoker (only at parties etc) When I was a young teenager *everyone* smoked ...only the squares didn't. Unfortunately I have an addictive personality and I now smoke nearly two packs a day. My oldest 2 sons smoke but my oldest daughter doesn't. First husband was a smoker , Stephen isn't and would love me to give up ...he say's he cannot afford to lose me. My father died at age 52 from a heart attack , my mother at 56 from ovarian cancer. I am now 47. I have got to the stage where I hate smoking , but the fear makes me smoke ..you understand me I hope because no non smokers seem to.

Achh

*cough* *cough*

I will be reading and hoping for you

....and sending good vibes

Re: Good Luck

[susandennis]

I think a lot of it is about getting to the right time and place. I think I woke up yesterday and I was there. And I'd never been there before ever. I think it's lovely that Stephen wants you around and I'm sure your children do, too. But, I'm pretty sure that's not what gets you to the right time and place. I don't know what does, though.

I do appreciate the thoughts and wishes. As I type this, I have not had a cigarette in more than 24 hours. And, right this minute, I don't want one. Generally, I have my first of the work day in about a half hour, we'll see.

[susandennis]

I am kind of surprised at how valuable everyone's various comments are to me. It's so interesting to hear the different viewpoints and experiences. And it helps so very much.

Thank you.