I'm not that big on family...

[susandennis]

So... my brother's youngest - we'll call him Matt - is 25ish. Once in a while, when I'm at Mom's and he calls her or she calls him, we exchange 'hi's' on the phone. I saw him when Daddy died. Best I can tell he has never been able to hold a job for very long. He tried the join the Air Force last year but when they were not impressed to find some kind of conviction on his record after he swore there were none. He and his girlfriend have visited Mom a time or two. I have no idea where they even live. I mean, we are not close which is fine by me. Then today I get this email.

hello it's your favorite nephew matt. well i know it's been a while
since we last spoke or traded emails. my wife marilyn and i are
expecting a baby!! it wasn't planned or anything but apparently they
are not joking about that .01% that birth control does not work. the
timing could be better but when is it ever really good. we are both
really happy about it and i hope one day we can get together and you
can meet them both. i will talk to you soon. love, matt

So... I guess they are married. And the finer points of birth control have slipped his grasp. What I'm not able to come up with is a reply. I'm guessing that this is leading up to asking for money but I can't be sure. I absolutely have no desire to get all chummy.

I would like to not reply at all and I might go that route. I think that would be nicer than the snarky things I'd really like to say.

Comments

[rsc.livejournal.com]

"Favorite nephew", eh? Is he, by any chance, your only nephew?

[susandennis]

You'd think, wouldn't you... but, no, he has an older brother.

[jawnbc]

Ah just say congratulations on getting married and become parents. How exciting.

And if he does ask for $$, just say no. Don't explain why, don't rip him a new one (though he might need one), just no.

Then, if he asks again, ignore him.

and send whatever amount he asked for to me instead

[susandennis]

I'm not sure I'm licensed to drive on that high road...

[jawnbc]

ah, it's text-based--you can make faces at the monitor, or shout "I don't fuckin' mean a word of this" whilst typing.

Me? I love stepping into old skool family issues and responded outside the. People turn colours, they get indignant and I get moral superiority. A bargain!

[jawnbc]

I have no idea why I started both responses with "ah" by the way. Must be surfing too many Oirish web sites as of late.

[fj.livejournal.com]

Fake it having the license. It is actually the easy way out.

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I can attest birth control does not always work. Apparently there's a joke about Waffle male fertility—that you can get pregnant just sleeping in the same room—although nobody bothered to tell me that story until after a couple slip-ups. My wife got pregnant on our honeymoon despite use of a condom, but the baby miscarried. Marian was planned. Brenna, on the other hand, overcame a condom, spermicide and a diaphragm. She was determined to exist, and I'm thankful, she's such a sweetie.

But I think I'll stick with men now. ;-)

[melodysk.livejournal.com]

You could always reply with

"Welcome to the world of adults"

;)

[susandennis]

Some how I knew you'd 'get it' :) I'd really love to go with "Yeah, well, good luck with that."

But, instead, I wimped out with "Congratulations. I hope everything works out great."

I know we're watching a deadbeat dad in the making (like father, like son). Men.