Work

[susandennis]

I had a particularly nasty and rough morning of work today.  It started early and got fractious immediately.  I got to a stopping point and went swimming and while I was pumping water iron I was thinking about some recent conversations that I've had with machupicchu .

One of his many talents is that of asking great questions.  I always get the feeling that he asks them because he wants to know the answers but he ends up making me work out some interesting stuff that would otherwise likely remain confusing to me.

The conversations brought to mind today were about money and so about work.  A while back, I quit working for the money.  Between my investments, my IBM pension and my social security, I can live comfortably for way longer than I want without changing my current lifestyle.  I could retire today but I don't and I don't want to.

I thought for a long while it was because I didn't have anything to do.  That I would get bored.  

But, in answering Matthew's questions I realized that is not it at all.  

I am not ready to give up the validation.  My paycheck is a constant reminder that I have value.  A lot of value. My company is small enough so that I know I am not extra, chaff, overhead...  My value is re-evaluated with every paycheck and I pass the test.  And that's what I am not ready to give up.  If I were retired, there would be no test to pass and I'd never again know for sure that I was valued.

There will come a time when that won't matter so much but it does now.  Happily, I have the perfect job to ease into when it won't matter.  There is no pressure to move up any ladder.  I don't ever get a raise and I'm perfectly fine with that.  We don't have performance reviews.  You perform, you get to keep your job.  You don't, you don't.  I don't have to come up with 5 areas of improvement or any of that nonsense.  

I don't have to go into any office.  Sometimes there are meetings, they are on the phone.  I rarely have to work more than I want to and if I do, I get paid more.

Come August, the the problems like this mornings will be gone.  They may well be replaced with others.  

But now that I have this new understanding I can look at, judge, weigh, and decide with the correct parameters.  Is this issue, problem, whatever, so bad that it's time to turn in this validation?

I am really amazingly delighted to have this new insight.

Comments

[barondave.livejournal.com]

I'm happy that you have this insight.

My problem: For virtually my whole life, everything I've done that I've liked doing has been as a hobby or part of a non-profit. Virtually everything I've done that I got paid for was boring after a while and often involved office politics.

Now that I'm between professions again (ie out of work but still looking though not hard), I don't really have time to do things. This is a bit of a shock. Part of it is that taking care of my partner, who had major knee surgery earlier in the year, is amazingly time consuming. She's getting better, but maintenance eats up a great deal of time. Part of it is that my extra-curricular activities grow to fill the time.

Sometimes, my efforts are recognized (http://www.swjournal.com/index.php?publication=southwest&story=18585&page=152&category=63) and serves as validation. Most often, not. This is true whether I get a paycheck or not. And since not getting a paycheck involves far less stress than coping with corporate life, I can subsist on what I have.

Hmm... this is more of a diversion from your post than I had intended.

[susandennis]

hehehe I divert a lot. My theory is that it is a side effect of brilliance. Fun article, by the way, thanks for the link

[nt.livejournal.com]

That's a good insight. I'm in more or less the same situation, and I think the validation thing is an issue for me, too. Something to think about as retirement approaches.

[shutterbug.livejournal.com]

The days of justifying my existence are behind me for the moment, and I don't miss them at all. I think my own fear is that those days will return in another form. Also, I would love to stay out of management if possible. My plushy, miserable job was starting to take the management or nothing path, and I didn't want it. I still don't.

Ugh.

[fj.livejournal.com]

I understand you totally. I find this out every time I am in between gigs. Asides the "I'LL NEVER WORK AGAIN AND END UP IN A BOX" I really feel so useless, unwanted, when I am not paid or praised.

And at my station you barely ever get praised for work.

[johncomic.livejournal.com]

I believe that this is a deep and valuable insight, and I'm glad you arrived at it. That being said, I believe it is mildly misguided, and here's why:

1) every time you look at your basket and see a bear in progress, you can remember how much the little ones love them and know that they value you. On Bear Day when you take their group photo, you should be especially reminded of this.

2) you can drop me a line any time at all and ask me if I value you and I will tell you that I do.

Your job is only one kind of valuing.

[susandennis]

Thank you.

And yes, it is one kind of valuing - excellent point - and my insight is that it is the kind of valuing that is critical to my current health and happiness.

I have yet to find an adequate replacement, the bears and your offer notwithstanding.

[johncomic.livejournal.com]

Fair enough. You want more, I can accept that.





[sniff]