Writing it down so it will go away

[susandennis]

I do not have many true regrets in my life but I do have one.  I truly deeply wish I had been a better daughter when I was young.  I was a fairly selfish and ungrateful child and mostly really unpleasant.  My parents deserved so much better.

For the past few weeks, in odd moments, I remember the times when I was particularly odious.  I remember specific times.  And, honestly, they aren't nice memories and I want them to go away.

So I'm purging them out in this entry.

Both of my parents are long dead now but I'm assuming God has good broadband and by now Mom's showed Dad how to use the computer and they will somehow see this.

I am sorry, guys.

Comments

[viridescence13]

I like to think that they know.

I still harbor a lot of resentment towards my parents for some of the serious mistakes that they made during my childhood, but this helps remind me that they likely did the best that they could with the shitty tools that they were given.

[johncomic.livejournal.com]

I wonder if your folks felt/feel the same way about these things as you do.

I know my daughter well enough to be sure that she has memories of times that she was an awful daughter, but we don't see her that way at all. It's all just in her own head. She wants to say sorry to us and we're like “nothing to be sorry for!”

[notmypresident.livejournal.com]

I feel the same way. Though my Mom is now gone, I was lucky enough to be able to tell my Dad how I regretted not being a better child -- especially when it came to money, the lack of which I never seemed to grasp.

My father's reaction was one of surprise. He honestly didn't understand my remorse and instead actually told me that he'd always considered me to be a good kid.

Perhaps your parents would have reacted the same way. In any event, it's nothing you or I can change.

[brigitte lichtenberger-fenz (from livejournal.com)]

May I join in? I too was petty selfish and if I could do it again I denitely do it better. But I also think ... thanks John ... that my mother wasn't that unhappy with me, she rather seemed to accept my not so nice sides as part of life and shrugged it away.

[otherdeb.livejournal.com]

i wish you good closure on this one!

[mrdreamjeans.livejournal.com]

This is why I took the time to go to Texas last week ... to say what I had to say while Dad is still alive.

[kayre]

I believe they know.... and that you have atoned by becoming the kind of person who regrets those actions and wants to apologize.