You can't take it with you

[susandennis]

In our house, growing up, we knew from the get go that Mother and Daddy would provide for us plentifully until the day we graduated from college.  We called it the cut off day.  They always always said their plan was to spend their last penny on the final coffin nail. We knew not to count on any inheritance and we didn't.  They didn't execute their plan too well.  They died before the money ran out.

After Daddy died, Mom kind of lost her financial rudder.  They had spent 52 years making every single financial decision together and now she was lost in a lot of ways but the financial one was one I could fix.  She had enough money.  Daddy had financial OCD and he left everything in pristine shape, tax wise, cash wise, investment wise and records wise.  (I thanked him, via ESP, 42 blue-gillion times.)  She added me to all of her accounts and I monitored them online with Daddy's OCD-ness.  Together we found a bank with a wonderful trust lady to handle the day to day stuff like bill paying.  Between long term care insurance, some annuities, life insurance and social security, she was doing ok. I called her my little cash cow.

But the one nut I had the most difficult time cracking was the emotional one.  She could spend some money on some things.  She loved this really expensive perfume and would treat herself, but wouldn't buy the quilt she wanted for her bed because it was too expensive.  She would eye a new xxx and I'd say 'we'll let's buy one' and she'd say 'but oh, it's way too expensive' and I'd counter with 'but, Mom, you can't take it with you.'  Whenever she would buy something she considered frivolous, she'd tell me 'well, I can't take it with me!!'  We probably used that phrase at least once a day.

I'm now on the proverbial seesaw over the adjustable bed.  It's not critical.   I have the money and I think I would enjoy the bed but it's a lot of money.  But, I can't take it with me (either the bed or the money!)...  I will probably go back and forth until Matt the salesman comes back on duty.

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Swimming was fine.  One of my long time swim buddies that I only see on Tuesdays and Thursdays stopped her swim to demand an answer to where I had been.  I told her it was so cool that she missed me and I meant it.

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It's not cold at all outside and nearly too warm in here.  I am not ready to let go of winter yet.  At least the sun isn't out.

Comments

[gfrancie.livejournal.com]

I suppose with something like a bed, it is a matter of how satisfying it would be over a long period of time. (I can totally see perfume being a satisfying purchase. A little pick-me-up everyday.)

[susandennis]

and, of course, that's what i can't seem to decide. there's a chance that the bed would be a delight every single night and a chance that it could be a big yawn.

[fbhjr.livejournal.com]

My wife has some of that "It's too expensive for me to buy for myself" problems.
But, as you say, can't take it with you.

[susandennis]

:)

[babsbuni.livejournal.com]

"Not cold at all outside." Psshaw, I say. Too chilly for me!

PS, buy the bed.

[susandennis]

ha! and ok actually probably will do bed wise :)

[katbyte.livejournal.com]

I had much the same experience with my mother. I took care of her finances later in her life. Once my uncle invited her to Hawaii and she told me she did not want to spend the money to go. (He offered a free place to stay) She said "I want to leave something for you kids"

I told her she did not owe us anything, and I hoped she died with a smile on her face and a nickel in her pocket.

She went to Hawaii, and talked about it til the day she died. She also took some road trips with a friend after that.

Buy the bed!

[(Anonymous)]

I have an adjustable bed, have for about two years now. Initially I was unsure about the purchase because of cost and how much would I use it and would I like it and now the only thing I'm unsure about is why it took me so long to decide to get one as I love the thing.

[susandennis]

wow! thank you so much for this! Hopefully, it's exactly what I will say in two years!

[johnpalmer.livejournal.com]

Well, keep in mind that the purpose of money is to make you happy - but I do see the dilemma. If the bed suddenly seems ridiculous and no better than any other, well, *I* would feel like I could have made myself happier in some other way.

I guess part of it depends on what kind of choice it is, and how much it excludes other choices.