Love the one you're with

[susandennis]

I've been thinking a lot lately about the talent of embracing what you have rather than spending energy wishing for what you don't and so feeling victimized.

I have a great life and I really, honestly think I love it because it is a great life. But, I totally realize that I waste not one tiny drop of time or thought on what might have been, what could have been, what should have been.  I probably could be richer, thinner, married, partnered and/or a parent. In nearly all cases, I made conscience choices to choose other paths. Sometimes those choices were the lesser of two evils and sometimes those choices were picking the best.

I have regrets. I wish I had been nicer. I wish I had been smarter. Yadda yadda but I don't waste any time on those.  I do waste (?!) some time on trying to be kinder and nicer and smarter in the future but not in the past.

I love me and my life because I'm the one I'm with and I have the life I have.  Honestly both are pretty easy to love. :)

And while all this stuff is renting space in my brain, I come to CES.  For 3 of the past 4 years I've met my brother in Las Vegas for CES.  Just the two of us. I love Las Vegas. I love gadgets. I love my brother. It's the perfect cocktail.

Last year, my brother said that this year he thinks he'll bring his wife. It was a casual remark made one time. But it has rained on my parade. I love being the two of us. My sister-in-law loves my brother and he loves her so she's okdokey in my book but she hates Las Vegas and we are very different people with different ideas of what is fun and what is enjoyable. I do not want to spend 5 days with her in Las Vegas.

I have paid for my brother - hotel, meals and plane fair - for the past two years. I'm not willing to pay for him if he's bringing her and I am sure not going to pay for her.

The email came out today that the hotels were taking reservations (with the special CES rate).  Our hotel - the Encore - is coveted. So I made the reservations. I can get all of the deposit back if I cancel it before January 3rd. And SouthWest isn't even open for reservations then yet so it's not like I have to decide today.

But, still I'm thinking, how badly do I want to go? I think I don't want to go unless it's just the two of us. So call off the trip and avoid the problem?

Love the four years we've had and call it a day?  I can tell my brother that I've decided not to spend the $$ this year.

Or figure out how to tell my brother to leave her at home? I cannot, right now, get my head around how to do this without hurting his feelings.  And I'm not willing to do that.

And what's even weenier is that I am passively aggressively not locking down this entry. My brother never reads this journal but he knows it's here.

Comments

[magenta-girl.livejournal.com]

Do you think it wouldn't work to say that you really enjoy it being just the two of you? If you don't have other time when it is just you two siblings you could phrase it that way. If someone said that to me that way I wouldn't get upset that they didn't want my spouse along, because having other people definitely changes the dynamic of things.

[susandennis]

It actually is the ONLY time I see him and so yeah the only time it's just the two of us. And, yes, I can say that. I'm just not sure how to bring it up. I would hope he would feel like you do.

[magenta-girl.livejournal.com]

I tend to do things like that through email using the excuse that I express myself best through writing, but it's really because I don't like even the threat of confrontation of sorts.

[susandennis]

Oh me too and I think you and jwg just made the final twist in my lightbulb. I think I have just the words I need to use.

THANK YOU!!

[jwg.livejournal.com]

I think this us right on. You should try to have a conversation with him - not delivering any ultimatums but just to say the think that you really like is the opportunity for all the one-on-one time with him doing the things that you have been doing on previous trips. And ask him he thinks that sister-inlaw would like some of those things.

See how he responds to this and then the conversation go on a bit.

Make no decisions in this conversation.

If you decide a bit later to not go then he won't be surprised -though you should say you'd like to find an opportunity for the 1-1 some other time.

[susandennis]

Doh. If he wants his wife to go, I don't have to go with them. ARUGH. I was so entrenched in this, I missed the obvious.

Thank you. I think I have the plan now.

I Love LJ.

[badrobot68.livejournal.com]

Regrets are useless. What's the point of having them?

[sea-weed.livejournal.com]

I'm thinking a conversation with him would work. Reading your post, there was nothing offensive to his wife in it, just that you and her/she? are different people enjoying different things and that it's your brother you want to spend the time with. PS don't try to be too much nicer, I kind of like you as you are. :-) Too nice can be quite scary haha.