Meltdown

[susandennis]

Ann came in about 5 to get me to come turn her TV volume on. After the painters working there yesterday left, she couldn't get the sound on so she called the building manager. Today it happened again but she couldn't find the building manager so she was in my living room. I know from previous calls for help that their TV setup is monstrously convoluted. Ron set it up and only he knows how to operate it. I told her I'd take a look but I was not hopeful.

She is clueless on a good day and today was not a good day. While I'm trying to figure out which one of the 5 remotes handles what, she was trying to tell me that the power strip - that long white thing - was not on and this light was not supposed to be on and that light looked like it was broken and on and on and on.  I gave it a good shot but gave up and suggested she go knock on Michael's door.  (The work she was having done was home owners work managed by Michael. Ordinarily, he's not in charge of TV volume.)

I came back home and thought about it and had a couple of other ideas so I went back. Her door was ajar and I knocked and she said to come in and she had melted. Sobbing. She had called the neighbor across the hall and he was coming over. Bradley was right on my heels. He recognized some of the setup and seemed to think he could make it work. Ann revived and said that she could listen to the game on the radio.  Bradley and his wife will figure out something.

I left them to it. Ugh. She needs help. I am not the person to help but she really does need someone to come take care of her. If Ron recovers, he will not be home for many many months. She can't manage on her own that long. The sound on the tv is just the tip of a really ugly iceberg.

I cannot understand how someone in this century can build a life so dependent on another person that they cannot function or watch TV on their own. But, then, I've never really clicked into the magic that coupling is for most people.  I can't imagine depending on another person or having anyone dependent on me. But, I do understand the frustration of no sound on my TV. I've also melted down over technology issues.

I'm sad for Ann, I'm sad that I'm not the kind of person who can help her. Over all the whole thing just makes me sad.

---

Ann just called. Bradley got the sound on. Yeah!

Comments

[susandennis]

I figure there must be some magic somewhere as the majority of people I know are either in coupled relationships or want to be and are working towards that. I know very very few people who, like me, are not interested in being in any kind of couple.

[lookfar.livejournal.com]

Well, there you are, raising kids and taking the car to inspection, needing three meals a day and someone to trim the hedge for god's sake, and before you know it, a few decades have passed in which you each specialized in what came naturally.

If my husband keels over, I'm getting my friend the CPA to come show me how to pay the bills.

[susandennis]

Now, that's a viewpoint that did not occur to me. But, even so, like you, everyone should have a backup plan for filling in the gaps. I think.

But your specialization thing is certainly something for me to noodle over.

Thank you!!

[galebird.livejournal.com]

I can't fathom this. For all the people who come in and out of my life I have never developed the ability to not know how to cope fully and entirely on my own. Another person is nice, and can smooth over a lot of rough edges, but my ability to soldier on would not disappear if they disappeared and my TV would continue to have working volume.

[mrdreamjeans.livejournal.com]

There are some of us who like to be needed and gain strength from it. Ann will survive somehow, but she has to make specific choices to do so. My mom and dad were married for 62 years. Mom was a homemaker her entire life and she depended on dad for many things, but in other ways, she took the lead ... Hopefully, someone in Ann's life can turn her preference to be a victim around and teach her to be strong.

Your friend in the above comment who references specialization is on to something ... Mom handled all of the finances and was the key organizing force in the house. WHen dad began his slow descent into Alzheimer's, it was mom who kept the home floating financially, but both were hopeless with technology ... and dad lost the ability to handle maintenance.

[andrewducker]

If I didn't think Julie could handle the TV setup then I wouldn't set it up that way. Ron seems pretty selfish for making it so that his partner can't manage without him...

[kyrielle]

There are things I will hand over to Scott in a hot second if I can, because he is better at them than I am, and/or he enjoys them more. And vice versa.

But I have fallback plans. I hope I never need them - I adore him and want to be married a long time - but I know how to do them OR get them done, one of the two, if I needed to.

But...I can totally imagine melting while facing one of those if he was dying or recently dead, because it would underscore to me that I was losing him. The *real* problem wouldn't be the TV, or my relative lack of expertise in dealing with it, but that it meant he wasn't there in _all_ the ways I'm used to him being there.

(Of which the fact that he willingly does the trash and deals with the gutters is sort of the minorest piece. Although I do NOT understand how he can dislike grocery shopping or laundry so much, I am surely grateful for it as I do like them.)