The last argument

[susandennis]

The last time my father was here - which was the last time I saw him - we fought about Peter Jennings. This was probably 1997ish.

Mother and Daddy, on their way to visit my sister, had stopped at my house. They loved seeing their grandchildren. I was a handy stop on the way and on the way back.

We were having the obligatory 5 p.m. cocktails and Daddy wanted to watch the news. They had been to visit my sister and were leaving out the next morning. My resistance, over the years, had grown to nearly nothing. I could take about 2 hours of Daddy and that was my limit. They had been at my house for 5 hours that day.

"Which network news do you want to watch?"
"Anything but ABC. I want my news delivered by an American."
"Huh?"
"Peter Jennings - he's Canadian."

Wah???? Picture my face just like John Stewart's when he encounters an amazing WTF??!!

I had spent a great many years in the same house with my father and never before had I ever heard about the evility (love that word - heard it TV yesterday during the ballgame - if I use it two more times, it's mine!!) of Canada. I mean I knew we were supposed to Blame it on Canada but I did not think that's what Daddy was talking about.

Turns out - and the argument was not pretty so I won't recite - that my always and very Republican father had escalating issues with immigrant situations here in our country. I was both confused and appalled by his fury over the issue. His father was born in Germany and stowed away on a boat and snuck into this country totally illegally. His mother had to renounce her citizenship during World War II because she was married to an German citizen.

And he's fucked up over Peter Jennings????!!!!

I was tired of their visit. Tired of being Motel 6. I did not make my side of the argument well. And that pissed me off. And that's probably the reason why I remember the whole thing so clearly. I was just too shocked and unprepared to confront him effectively and only served to prove to him that I had - even at my advanced age - still not grown up to accept the realities of the world.

Ya gotta love it when at 48, your father can still make you feel like you are 12. It's not your fault, Peter Jennings, but it just means that every time I think of you, I feel like a stupid child.

Comments

[judith.livejournal.com]

You can never win with parents. I managed to stay out of the way of both of mine most of the time. I wasn't that far off politically but we were lightyears apart in other ways, and I always had to bite back comments. It can be a real strain.

I wonder if this is more common with that particular generation, because there seems to be a kind of wall there.

[susandennis]

I think you might be right about the generation thing. Occassionally, I win with my Mom now but I know she's folding only because she knows she needs to stay on my good side or she will lose my help. And that is almost too sad to bear. You are right. You can never win with parents!

[judith.livejournal.com]

I was very fortunate in that I was able to spend a week with my mother a month before she died, and I saw how much she had changed. She had learned more about being open and hearing others. It was remarkable and unexpected. I was so impressed. My father, though, was bitter to the end, and unapproachable on many subjects.

Well, then again there's the "woman" thing...that is, women may have a greater capacity to change. Some of us, anyway.