courtesy titles

[susandennis]

When I come out of the locker room at the pool - on Tuesdays and Thursdays - I'm right in front of the training pool where several lifeguards are teaching pre-schoolers.  One of the lifeguards, a while back, starting telling the kids, when I came out, "Say Hi to Miss Susan!" and they would chime in tiny sing songie voices "Hi Miss Susan!"  So now, every Tuesday and Thursday, I am greeted, the minute, I come into the pool area by a chorus of HI!! Miss Susan!!!!  And there is one little boy who does not swim but is always on the side playing with toys and after I say Hi! Fishes!!, he says in a quiet voice "Hi, Miss Susan."  

I grew up at a time when Courtesy Titles were required.  All of my friends' mothers were Mrs. xxx and their fathers were Mr. xxx. There were maybe 4 or 5 adults were were allowed to call by their first names.  If you didn't know whether the woman was married , you used Miz xxx.  This was the 50's in the South - way before Ms.

But, as late as the 80's - mid 80's, they were a problem. I worked at IBM in New York. The New York Times had a rule that everyone had to have a courtesy title.  My job required me to be interviewed by the press. When the New York Times called, because of their rule, they required me to, in effect, give them private information that in no way affected the content of the interaction.  They could not use my quote unless I told them whether or not I was married. If they could not use my quote, I could not do my job. (I'm proud to report that IBM backed me up 100% - they left it up to me with no penalty. And the NYT finally adopted Ms. a year or two later.)

Since then, courtesy titles have annoyed me no end. When I am required to select one in filling out a form, I nearly always select Dr. or Mr.

But, somehow, those little kids calling out Hi Miss Susan is way more endearing than Hi Susan so now I'm having to rethink the whole thing.

Comments

[cloud-hands.livejournal.com]

Here in the South Miss used with someones first name is considered proper for both married and unmarried women. I'm not sure if it's a rejection of Ms. or if its that with a strong enough southern accent its almost impossible to tell which one was used. It's a respectful form of address without being formal. Mr. first name is used the same way for men. I love it. It just feels friendly.

[susandennis]

Oh, yes! I'd actually forgotten that. And/or maybe just thought it was old school. Interesting to know that it's still in practice.

I remember when my Romper Room teacher - Miss Melissa - got married, we still called her Miss Melissa. I remember asking my Mom about it and got a 'that's the way it is' answer that really did confuse me. But, I was 5.

[mrdreamjeans.livejournal.com]

It really used to bother me to be called Mr. Badders , but even more to be called James, my given first name. James was my dad. I find that I'm often called Mr. Neil now and I kind of like it. I've even embraced James. Dad is gone. Perhaps, that's why. Silly of me to make such a fuss all these years.

[badrobot68.livejournal.com]

I want to call you Miss Susan too. Ha.

[susandennis]

Oh! Please do!

[gfrancie.livejournal.com]

I was often called Miss Gennie growing up. (mostly by adults who knew me.) And even after I got married, people (who had known me since I was little) continued to call me Miss Gennie. (the same goes for my sister who is still known as Miss Kitty.)
I can't quite explain it. It is sort of a title that is more about endearing emotion, than courtesy.
When I volunteer at my son's school, I am called Mrs. Jenner and it always throws me. I've been married nearly nine years, I have children, and other adult identifiers, but it still feels weird to be called that. "who is that? Oh.. me."

[fbhjr.livejournal.com]

Like so many things, I think it is how they are used more than the items themselves.

[linuxcub.livejournal.com]

Not really apropos anything, but whenever I see your blog here, a stupid part of my brain, that likes to play with words, but is otherwise probably really clueless, interprets "susandennis" as the blog of a couple: Sus and Ennis. Well, I'm easily amused, even my own brain amuses me :/

[susandennis]

I actually totally get that. My brain sometimes does whacko translations, too. Plus I like that I can amuse you!!

[rsc.livejournal.com]

If you didn't know whether the woman was married , you used Miz xxx. This was the 50's in the South - way before Ms.

When "Ms." first started appearing, my mother pointed out that the Southern "Miz" had fulfilled that role for decades. We weren't Southern, but we had the mock-Southern of Walt Kelly's _Pogo_ to go by: All the women in that strip were called "Miz" something, regardless of marital status.

[rsc.livejournal.com]

I find that most forms that I see that include "title" make it optional, and I omit it. If they provided "HRH" as an option, I might select it.

[susandennis]

Oh I always omit if optional - and I resent its being required. HRH wold be an excellent choice!!

[mhaithaca.livejournal.com]

When I signed up for one of the hotel loyalty programs, their pop-up menu of titles offered a bunch of military ranks as alternatives to the usual Mr., Mrs., Dr., and so on. I picked "Brigadier."

[susandennis]

NICE!

[allanh.livejournal.com]

In the charitable fundraising work I do for the leather community, I'm referred to as "Mr. Allan", a title bestowed upon me by a previous boy. It makes me smile.

[kyrielle]

I hear a lot of "Miss So-and-So" to teachers or older adults in the preschool age range too - my boys are both taught to use it at day care. And it's regardless of marriage status there.

But I think it now peters out around middle school.

I can see kids using it to adults. Adult-to-adult feels disrespectful and wrong to me - disrespectful to both sides in a way. If we're adults, shouldn't we be able to interact as equals, and shouldn't marital status be irrelevant?

[cienna2000.livejournal.com]

I accept being called Miss Heather without a problem, but do not want to be called Mrs. $LastName. In my mind, Mrs. $Lastname is my husband's grandmother and possibly my mother-in-law. I do admit to not acknowledging being an adult yet, even if I did graduate from high school 20 years ago.

The one place where I want to be called Mrs. $LastName is by my daughter's school. I address them as Mr./Mrs./Ms. and get replies to Heather.

My mother is getting a bit of dementia and decided that since she is old enough to be her doctor's mother that she would call the doctor by her first name. The doctor is awesome and answers to it without getting upset to the lack of title.