Birth Control Nightmare - Another adventure in The Good Old Days Were Not.

[susandennis]

One of the people on my LJ list talked about her birth control today - and it nearly gave me PTSD.

For so many years, my life revolved around birth control. It's been many more since it hasn't but still the scars seem fresh. It's an ugly ugly tail.

The pill was made generally available when I was a teenager BUT, it was not made generally available to me or any of my friends. Most doctors would never give a prescription to someone who was not married and who had never had any children. My Mom had had 3 and her doctor gave her a rough time about it.

So off I went to college with viable plumbing and full ovaries, little info, no resources and rarin' to go! I was vaguely aware of condoms but no one in their right mind would actually use them. AIDS was years away yet. I did not have sex until January before I turned 21. (There's a fun little story for ya. Another time...) I did not get pregnant. But it did ratchet up the birth control situation.

I found a back alley doctor (I was at college about 600 miles from home) through a friend of a friend and made an appointment and got the coveted prescription by telling the doctor I was married and we wanted to wait. I signed one paper saying that I understood that using the pill could prevent me from having children even after I stopped using it. I forged another paper with my 'husband's' name saying that he gave permission. (He was out of town and unable to come in with me.)

And those motherfuckers were expensive so, of course, I ran out of money and pills. And then I got pregnant. Abortion was not legal in the United States. I went to England (another fun little story. Another time...)

More pills, more money issues, and I got pregnant again. This time Roe v. Wade had done their blessed work so it was easier. And Planned Parenthood was growing. Bless them. I went to work for IBM. IBM had superlative benefits. BUT the only kind of birth control they covered was abortion. I kid you not.

IUD's were new and cheaper and not recommended for women who had not had a baby but what the heck, I'd try it. FAIL. And I used that aforementioned benefit.

Getting your tubes tied was a thing that mothers with enough babies did. Women who had had no babies did not. In fact, in North Carolina, where I lived, it was illegal for women under 30 with no babies to get it done. So for my wedding present, at my request, my husband got a vasectomy. He just went one day and came home snipped.

Then we separated and I was in need again... This time I was over 30. The law made allowances for spinsters. BUT I had to have the signed agreement from two psychiatrists before I could legally have the procedure done. And it got worse. The day I went in, the admitting person asked me if I was married or divorced. And while I was still legally married, I told her I was divorced.

This turned out to be a very excellent lie because she then crossed out the section that required my husband's consent! Yep, he could get his penis rendered baby free without so much as even telling me if that's what he wanted to do and I - the one who would actually be fucking pregnant - had to have his permission.

But, tubes were tied and the nightmare of birth control was in my rear view mirror.

Comments

[galebird.livejournal.com]

Isn't it strange all the restrictions we have on doing whatever the hell we want with our own bodies? Even now, there's still places in the damned US that are backwards. And if you go to Planned Parenthood, be prepared to bring someone with you because the pro-lifers camp by them and make things hellish on those going inside no matter what they are there for.

I don't get it. If a consenting adult who understands what they are doing chooses, of their own free will, no not reproduce... Good for them! Not my body, not my life. I am glad you were (pretend) divorced that day and everything was able to be placed in your rearview.

[susandennis]

yes yes yes.

[heebie-geebie.livejournal.com]

Holy shit. That is one hell of a saga. Glad you were able to scrap your way through it all.

[susandennis]

thanks - nice to be on the other end of it now.

"It's an ugly ugly tail."

[ctgstr8.livejournal.com]

I cannot resist asking if the comment above is Freudian? It made me laugh, and I hope that was your intent. I too remember the birth control problems and battles in my past life.

Re: "It's an ugly ugly tail."

[susandennis]

OMG that is too precious! It was totally unintentional but I'm leaving it because now I love it!

[meowmensteen]

Wait what? Women have sex for reasons other than making babies?

Even now if I want to get my tubes tied, it's a bit of a fight. Sure I can get it done without asking anyone permission, but it will still take a bit of forceful convincing. Now that my kid is a lot older, people have finally stopped trying to convince me that I'll want another one. It's so nice that society things they know better than I do what I will want in the future.

[susandennis]

I didn't know that tube tying was still an issue but, in light of other reproductive rights issues, I guess I should not be surprised, Here's hoping your daughter gets a better shake,

[belleweather.livejournal.com]

My mom had a grey-market illegal abortion in Mexico in high school, and I feel like she still has issues with sexuality because of it. It did make her FAR more supportive (insistent, even!) that I have good birth control as a teenager. Alas, she didn't push for an IUD for me because of her experience as a Dalkon Shield plaintiff, which is a pity because it's been the best birth control I've ever used -- both as birth control and as period pain control, which is actually way, way more important to me.

[susandennis]

Interesting... Impressive that your Mom made you some lemonade out of her lemons.

[fbhjr.livejournal.com]

Wow, sorry you had to go through all that!

[litlebanana.livejournal.com]

That is completely ridiculous. Just goes to show that all the laws about abortion are more about wanting to control women's bodies rather then caring about the lives of the fetus. Men just want to control women sexually. And make sure we have consequences for having sex.

[susandennis]

I always thought the doctors (all of whom were men EXCEPT the tube tier) probably were the type to demand constant sex and have a fit when their sex partner got pregnant.

[lookfar.livejournal.com]

Wow! It's good to be reminded of the progress we have made with women's rights. My mom had two abortions between kid #2 and kid #3, but they had to be gotten with a doctor's letter stating that continued pregnancy would be disastrous to her health.

When I got out of high school in 1974, it was possible for a 16 year old girl (me) to walk into planned parenthood and come out fully educated and with a goody bag of contraceptives. The pill I hated - made me feel sick and weird - but I had three IUDs in a row, including the dreaded Dalcon Shield, which I forgot to deal with for five years. I should have been neutered by these adventures, but by the time I wanted to get pregnant at age 33, it took about one week of unprotected sex. I'm like a lucky birth control poster child - never had a failure, never needed an abortion, slept around like a dang floozy, never got VD, then had an easy time getting pregnant. There's no explaining some things.

[susandennis]

wow. you do have some excellent reproductive karma!

[badrobot68.livejournal.com]

I can't believe how much this country regulates the female body - I've known women under 40 who tried to get their tubes tied & doctors refused them. I just don't get it. First of all, aren't there enough humans on earth? And second, if a woman says she doesn't want babies, believe her! Good grief. I'm a gay man and this annoys me to no end. :)

[spiritgirl.livejournal.com]

Thanks for sharing.  It is helpful to hear about other perspectives to help us truly understand. 
I'm a decade behind you and had no idea things were so difficult....add a difficult process with an overly judgemental society and that's all it takes for oppression to flourish.

[egg-shell.livejournal.com]

I remember those good old days. I was 18 and wanted birth control and went to my doctor hoping to get it but he said if I wasn't married then I should just not have sex. End of story. Did he really believe that girls would not have sex till marriage in the early 1970's?

[katbyte.livejournal.com]

This brings back so many memories for me, and I am amazed at the difference between SC and Calif. Never did I have to get anyone's permission for birth control. I am a few years older than you, but I remember when abortions became legal. What a relief. It still amazes me that people can be against abortions, but that is another mess.


Somehow I missed the maternity gene and never wanted any kids. After marrying my present husband and dealing with his spawn, I am convinced I made the right decisions. One of the reasons I married him was he had a vasectomy. (True story)

Anyway, this sure brought back some amazing memories for me, both good and bad. So much better to have grown up in California.

[cienna2000.livejournal.com]

Getting my tubes tied four years ago was a circus. After having a micro-preemie my doctor recommended that if I wanted more babies to adopt. I had been using an IUD, but it decided it wanted to run away. My incredibly awesome OB did an ultrasound to make sure I was not pregnant and found a rather large ovarian tumor...four days before I was moving from Oregon to Idaho.

Got to Idaho, went to see a new doctor, and he didn't want to do surgery at all for several months. Finally he agreed the ovary and it's tumor should be removed but didn't want to tie my other tube at the same time as I was nearly 35 and only had one child. I called my awesome doctor and Oregon and begged him to get me scheduled and I would drive 9 hours for surgery. My awesome doctor was worried about travel for the return trip and convinced Idiot Idaho doctor to do the tubal.

Surgery day comes, I have been knocked out, and the Idiot comes out to talk to my husband. As I am unconscious, hubby has the ability to change the consent and the Idiot tried to convince the husband to rescind my tubal request. My husband refused to rescind the consent so the surgery was completed, one benign ovarian tumor and ovary removed along with a tubal on the other side.

For the record, my husband believes that it is a woman's choice if she wants her tubes tied as she is the one having surgery and more importantly she is the one that can get pregnant. When it comes to our daughter, he wants to pretend she is a baby forever. When the time comes, I will take her to the doctor and get whatever type of birth control that will be best for her.

[gfrancie.livejournal.com]

Damn. You have experienced all of it haven't you.
I have had friends who have had a real up hill battle to get their tubes tied. These are women who are over thirty and are very very sure that they don't want kids, and yet the doctors always hem and haw about it. Which is really interesting because when my husband went to get fixed, it was no big deal. The doctor was all, "yep sure, let's get you scheduled."

I think when my kids are older, I will tell my son, "CONDOMS! Have them on you. Carry them at all times. Be responsible. You can be useful too." and then if my daughter wants to be sexually active I will take her to the GP and help her find the right method for her. And also say, "CONDOMS! Have them on you!"


I feel fortunate that my birth control experience was pretty easy in many ways. I did find that the pill didn't work for me (I am queen of the reactions to any kind of medication) but condoms were super cheap/free, and while I was a nice Catholic girl on a sexual spree (like any good Catholic girl ends up being in college) I came away unscathed, and then found a nice person to settle down with.

I feel grateful that I was able to choose when I got pregnant and space them in a way that was good for everyone.

[tilia-tomentosa.livejournal.com]

Wow. Just wow.

My spending money on the Pill when I didn't have enough to feed myself properly while I was struggling to fully graduate from university because I wouldn't have been able to support a baby, damn it, and my then boyfriend was no better financially, is nothing compared to your story.

That was in the late nineties, mind you. I was lucky that the communist regime was over, or I would have had no access to contraception as woman who didn't have at least two children, not to mention that I wasn't married.

[susandennis]

Interesting. I think I always assume birth control is easy in other countries (unless they are Catholic). Wow.

[tilia-tomentosa.livejournal.com]

There was a plan to "increase the population of the Republic" during the communist regime here in Bulgaria; the Romanians had it much worse though (Google "menstrual police" if you are curious, but I'm warning you that's terrifying stuff to read).

I'm not sure what was official state policy (not necessarily law because some things were forbidden without being formally illegal) and what wasn't about birth control and abortions because nobody talked about it in my teenage years, and of course there was no Internet or anything, so I'm still not sure if I've got it right exactly how things were back then.

I never received any proper sex ed from anybody to be sure, so I had to educate myself from what little literature there was about contraception in the '90s.

[johnpalmer.livejournal.com]

Some of the issues I get. Like, a doctor doesn't want to tie your tubes for fear that you will want children *later* and tell a sympathetic jury about how he DIDN'T WARN YOU.

But the *legalities* are really flippin' scary. I mean, you see what I'm saying? It's one thing for a doctor to be afraid for what he (or possibly even she) considers to be good, sound reason.

It's another for a legislature to make the decision, regardless of how scared the doctor might be.