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susandennisYesterday's birth control entry probably should have included or been prefaced by the statement that I never ever ever wanted to actually have children.
When I was 4 I had a best friend who lived across the street. Connie. They lived in a white house so we called them The Whitehouses. Connie Whitehouse. I have no idea what their real name was. Anyway, Connie's Mom had a baby. Not a big deal, my Mom had a baby, too. BUT.. Mrs. Whitehouse fed that baby with her bosom! Seriously. It was astounding to my 4 year old ness. My brother had shiny glass bottles that had taken over the kitchen. The Whitehouses' kitchen just had food.
Connie and I both had baby dolls and Mrs. Whitehouse showed us how to 'feed' them with our bosom. It was so cool. But, when I went back across the street and fed my baby while my Mom fed my brother, my mother blew a gasket. "Our kind do not do that." I did not understand why the Whitehouses weren't our kind or what our kind was but I totally got that my baby doll would never get bosom milk again. I totally lost interest in the doll.
I took up picture painting. I never did take up dolls again. Just no interest.
Then when I was 6, we had close family friends - so close that even though they were adults we were allowed to call them by their first name - George and Helen. They had no kids. I remember asking my Mom why and she blew my mind with her answer... 'well, they decided they didn't want any children'. My little mind did a 6 year old equivalent of WHAATTTTT That's an option??!!!! Sign me the hell up!!!
The very minute I learned that having babies was a choice, I chose no. It's my gift to the world. I would have made the worst mother on the planet.
When I was 4 I had a best friend who lived across the street. Connie. They lived in a white house so we called them The Whitehouses. Connie Whitehouse. I have no idea what their real name was. Anyway, Connie's Mom had a baby. Not a big deal, my Mom had a baby, too. BUT.. Mrs. Whitehouse fed that baby with her bosom! Seriously. It was astounding to my 4 year old ness. My brother had shiny glass bottles that had taken over the kitchen. The Whitehouses' kitchen just had food.
Connie and I both had baby dolls and Mrs. Whitehouse showed us how to 'feed' them with our bosom. It was so cool. But, when I went back across the street and fed my baby while my Mom fed my brother, my mother blew a gasket. "Our kind do not do that." I did not understand why the Whitehouses weren't our kind or what our kind was but I totally got that my baby doll would never get bosom milk again. I totally lost interest in the doll.
I took up picture painting. I never did take up dolls again. Just no interest.
Then when I was 6, we had close family friends - so close that even though they were adults we were allowed to call them by their first name - George and Helen. They had no kids. I remember asking my Mom why and she blew my mind with her answer... 'well, they decided they didn't want any children'. My little mind did a 6 year old equivalent of WHAATTTTT That's an option??!!!! Sign me the hell up!!!
The very minute I learned that having babies was a choice, I chose no. It's my gift to the world. I would have made the worst mother on the planet.
(no subject)
Date: 2015-04-29 04:58 pm (UTC)Your post yesterday made me think of a recent comment by someone's mom that the most important invention for social change was reliable birth control. I'm a little younger than you, but just old enough that my mother was shockingly unconventional when she got pregnant out of wedlock with me. When she married my dad when I was a baby, his family didn't come to the wedding. She didn't see her own family for 50 years after showing up at her mother's funeral with me in tow as an infant (happily, she did keep in touch by letter and I now have a lovely gaggle of adult cousins).
I still feel anger about a doctor in my youth who refused to give me a morning after pill and she said I just had to wait it out because she didn't believe in abortion.
The breast feeding as a class thing is not just sad - it's dangerous. It's also incredibly pervasive despite decades of trying to reverse it. I first considered the issue in relation to developing country babies back in the 1980s, because formula was often watered down or used with unclean water so babies died of starvation or diarrhea. Back then, a few Canadian women were trying to revive breastfeeding here, but there continue to be legal and public relations battles over the right to breastfeed in public.
Like you, I never wanted babies of my own, but I always wanted children. The (unmarried) minister who married us was unhappy that I didn't want to bring more children into the world, but I don't think it's right to add to the population burden. Adoption has become something of a tradition in my family (my dad's mom, me, my sister), so I was very happy to continue by adopting two lovely children. My sister chose your option, and is very content to play devoted auntie from time to time. Most of my friends are childless by choice. I have only one friend who has the slightest regret, because she discovered that her husband makes a great dad (they share custody of a child in an open relationship). Not enough regret to consider actually having a child, mind you...
OMG I love you!
Date: 2015-04-29 05:32 pm (UTC)^ When I read that I nearly spit my tea all over my monitor laughing. THIS is why I read your blog posts every day -- you are so real. Definitely my kind of people. I'll bet you were a cool kid.
Re: OMG I love you!
Date: 2015-04-29 07:07 pm (UTC)Re: OMG I love you!
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