Thinking out loud

[susandennis]

I am paid by the hour and have no duties or responsibilities beyond that hour. I have no career path or anything that would even encourage me to think beyond my hour. There are no rewards for working smarter or faster or harder and no penalties for not.

So why in the hell is it so frustrating to encounter obstacles that are easily defensible?

I'm told to open a door.
I try it, it's locked.
I track down the key.
The key person gave me the wrong key.
I go back and get another key.
It's the wrong key again.
I go to the person who told me to open the door and tell them that I am so far unable to get the right key and it may be days instead of minutes before the door is open and that person says 'ok, just stay on it and I know you will.'

Why then do I feel a huge rush of 'take this job and shove it!' ?

What difference does it make? Where does the frustration come from? I get paid the same amount if I open the door in 3 seconds or spend 4 days getting some yahoo to give me the the right fucking key? So where's my freakin' chill pill?????

I really am seriously perplexed by my inability to just blow off this shit. The key thing is metaphorical but the real deal is as clearly fucked up. Plus, I'm at a loss as how to characterize this frustration so that I can avoid it in future jobs. What exactly am I getting or not getting here that makes this situation so bangmyheadagainstthewall?

Comments

[bluedrum.livejournal.com]

You are frustrated because you are having to deal with the inefficiency of other people. If you were the person in charge of the keys, you would have them organized and would be able to find the right key immediately.
Ignorance and inefficiency can be cured with education and training. Stupidity goes right to the core of a person.

Be well...stop and take a deep breath and be glad that you are not the stupid one.

Mac

[susandennis]

This made me so smile. Thank you. I did forget to be grateful I am not the stupid one. And you may be right about the other. For some reason I have never been comfortable sharing the earth with stupid people. I guess I'm not getting any better at it either. Not good.

[geordie.livejournal.com]

You are a softie, not a lock-smith or a gofer.

In consulting/contracting engagements I have a finite ability to say "it's your money" and just do what they say.

[susandennis]

But how?!! Where do you get that ability? That's what I'm after.

[geordie.livejournal.com]

It expires after a while and you've been there more than that while. Eventually I get involved in what they are saying and end up caring how I spend my time for their money.

[susandennis]

Oh! Fuck. Naturally, there would be a timer on the deal. Infinity, schminfinity.

[cpratt.livejournal.com]

By not caring whether or not you're spending your work day hunting around for a key or doing actual work, it seems to me that they're pretty obviously stating that your work has no value.

I'm in the same boat, blue badge notwithstanding. It irritates me to no end, and there's not a damn thing I can do about it other than find another job. Grrrr.

[susandennis]

Yeah, the beauty of the orange badge is that all I really have to care about it me. Well, I probably should spend some energy not hurting those who are stupid. But, at least I don't have the same responsibilities and worries that I had when my badge was blue. And I am, indeed, glad about that.

[jimcarson.livejournal.com]

I understand why you're feeling the way you do: you're a lot smarter than and care more about efficiency than the people around you.

The orange badge was an altered states in some respects. I found myself smiling while saying "Sure, I'll change all the blue graphs to a magenta color with chartreuse borders. Would you like me to increase the font size one point, too?" Tasks like this freed my brain up to hone obscure metaphors (http://www.jimcarson.com/a/2005/02/you_want_the_tr.shtml) rather than pound my fist on the desk and tell people they're cracked.

[susandennis]

Yeahbutt you know, if I were so smart, I think I'd be able to figure out a way not to give a shit!

[kyrielle]

Because it says your work is less valuable than you know it is; because it suggests they don't really care that much; because you want to do useful and interesting things or at least make things work (I've seen it in some of your happy posts!) and tracking down a misplaced key ain't all that.

It's easy to wish for a bit of downtime when you're utterly swamped and your brain is stretched to the max (at least, it is for me), but the opposite of that is BOREDOM. Sounds like you got delivered a big fat order, with a heaping of 'and no one even cares'.

Ick. :P

[susandennis]

You may well have nailed it! Thank you. So my next job must be one that involves meaningful work that is valued. That is so simple but so on target. I think especially the valued part is key and I think that's the factor that I was ignoring. Thank you!!

[kyrielle]

Hehe. Easy to spot that one, whether it was accurate or not - because it would drive me straight up the wall in two seconds flat. I don't want to be treated like a conquering hero (unless I've just accomplished the truly improbably difficult, which is rare), but I do want to feel like my contribution is valued for what it is and that people appreciate that I'm there.

It amazes me how rare it is that someone even sends a quick email of thanks, even for very big things, although to write those is almost free - a few seconds for a short one. But I think "oh whenever" is worse than a lack of active appreciation - it is an active lack of appreciation.

I suspect they were trying to reassure you not to worry, but the way it was said is not very nice in what it says about how much they care about your work being done (at least, quickly). The phrasing could have been better. (For example, would you have felt different if they had said, "Drat. Well, please keep trying - I know you'll get it done as soon as that's sorted out." or something like that? I bet you might....)