Continued

[susandennis]

When I got married, I gave a lot of thought to my name. My name was Susan Schubert and I was never happy about that. It was always misspelled. No one ever put the 'c' in. It was mispronounced all the time - Shumpert, Shuford, Shumbert? It was a mess. I did not like the idea of taking my husband's name on feminist grounds. I didn't want to be Mrs. anything much less a Mrs. who belonged to a man.

I seriously considered making up a entirely new name. I thought I'd keep the Susan part but maybe Susan Caldwell or Susan Marshall or Susan Grant. I wanted something without any ties to me or my husband or family that was easy to spell and easy to pronounce. I got the impression that my husband to be did not care but I do remember his telling me that no one ever didn't 'get' his name or its spelling.

In the end, I just got lazy. The default, at the time, was to assume your husband's name. Anything else took explanations and constant corrections and caused trouble at the bank, the doctor's office, all over the place. I had one friend who tried it and gave up and urged me not to even try. So I didn't.

Hilariously, it turned out that Susan Dennis - as a name - came with its own set of issues. For some reason that I have never been able to noodle out, a good 60% of people get it wrong right out of the gate. Here's a conversation I've had thousands of times - lately the references aren't hitting home just because they are so old but the names don't change.

Me: Hi, my name is Susan Dennis.
New Person: Sandy! So nice to meet you.
Me: Actually, it's Susan. Susan Dennis.
New Person: Oh, wonder where I got Sandy? Oh wait wasn't she that Wheat Thins girl?
Me: Actually, that was Sandy Duncan. Sandy Dennis was an actress - Up the Downstairs?
New Person: Oh right. Wow. Well, Sandy, it's still really good to meet you!

When I was working at the performance theater and on TV doing promotional interviews a lot, the chyron guy would always get it right - so on the screen under my face it would say Susan Dennis - Spirit Square. But the interviewer would always get it wrong "So, tell me Sandy, what's the best show at Spirit Square this season?" It was never not awkward.

Plus it took me forever to get used to it. I was signing checks (olden days) with my maiden name for a year. By the time I actually did get used to it, I was divorced. And by then WAY too lazy to change it to anything else. Fuck it.

The custom at the time was for divorced women to use their maiden name as a middle name. So tradition said I should now call myself Susan Schubert Dennis. NFW.

What I did do was drop my middle name. So then I became Susan Dennis or Susan NMI Dennis. At the time, in North Carolina, all that was required to change your name legally was to use the new name for a year and produce postal proof (letters, preferably an bill - like electric bill) of you new name and it was a done deal. I suspect that they may have changed that a might in the past 30 years.

To Be Continued

Comments

[onelargecat.livejournal.com]

I changed mine partly b/c my maiden name was so common (Johnson) and I was tired of being one of five Karen Johnsons at every doctor's office, etc., and Jeff's last name is fairly uncommon, but it took us both a while to get used to it, and we moved to Boston (from Boulder) right after we got married, so no one there knew my maiden name. And one day Jeff came to my office to have lunch with me and when the receptionist asked who he was there to see, he said, "Karen Johnson," and she was like, "UH, we don't have anyone here by that name." And then he corrects himself, and before she calls my desk she asks who to say is here to see me and he says, "Her husband." LOL. I know she must've been like...what the heck is going on?

[susandennis]

Ha! She thought "husband? yeah, right... what.ever"

[maju01.livejournal.com]

In Australia we've never had the tradition of using your maiden name as a middle name, either when you're married or when you're divorced. When I got divorced I kept my married name because it was too much trouble to change anything, and because my first name goes better with my married name in my opinion. I didn't change my name when I got married the second time.

[susandennis]

I think the maiden/married after divorce thing was just the South and probably just the 50/60/70/80s when divorce was still so full of shame.

[sweetmeow]

My daughter in law kept her maiden name, and it's been no big deal. No one blinked an eye. My guess is that it's a sign of the times. They have a daughter and she has a hyphenated last name with both of them. Personally I think that is too long and awkward, but my lips are sealed! Their kid - their choice!

I did change my last name to my husband's, but back then I believed the only women to do this were those who had established careers or notoriety that they didn't want to confuse with a name change. I did drop my middle name and used my maiden name there, as I didn't want it to go away.

My issue is with my first name. No one ever calls me by my "real" name (Gwendolyn), and it's only used for legal things. So - I've considered changing it legally to what I'm always called, Wendy. But -- the hassle of name changing is real.

My sister changed her name when she married her first husband, and kept it after the divorce while the children were growing up so she didn't confuse or upset them. But - once they were grown, and was about to marry her second husband (in 2011), she changed her name legally back to her maiden name, and didn't take her second husband's name (which, ironically, is only an alternate spelling of our maiden name! Gehman / Gayman

There are so many ways of dealing with this, and I've always been fascinated as to why and how people make the decisions they do. I do think how a first and last name flow is important, and Susan Dennis is great! (despite the Sandy Duncan confusion!) By the way -- there are more than a few people who insist on calling ME Sandy, and Wendy is no where near that!

[hopefulspirit.livejournal.com]

I love this post! It's fascinating how this process has changed. I remember asking my Mom why she had two last names on her checks and she explained it to me. I informed her I was never changing my last name. I was maybe 8 at the time so she took it with a grain of salt. lol When she got divorced she kept my Dad's last name. She said at that point she'd used it for more than 23 years, she wasn't about to deal with changing it again. When she got remarried she hyphenated it with her husband's last name, but only because we were about to move to Alaska and she didn't want to have a hassle at the borders when we drove up here.

When I was engaged, my now ex-fiance and I had a big discussion about name changing. I told him I didn't want to change my name. He shocked the hell out of me when he said he wanted to change his last name to mine! He has a fairly distinctive last name and unfortunately had a family full of criminals in that area, so when people found out his last name it caused him some problems. I thought it was weird he wanted to take my last name, it doesn't get much more generic than Smith, but I didn't care. Obviously it wasn't an issue since we didn't get married, but we had a huge fight over the fact that he wanted to announce his name change at the wedding. His Dad would have gone ballistic.

By the way, I can't believe people have that much trouble with your name!

[susandennis]

Great name changing stories!!

[meowmensteen]

Maybe they were thinking of this lady: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sandy_Denny

[zyzyly.livejournal.com]

haha--that's who I thought of too!

[zyzyly.livejournal.com]

And now you ARE Susan Dennis.

My first wife decided to keep her own name, which was fine with me, but caused consternation in both families as it was a break from tradition. when she was dying, she offered to have my last name on her grave, but I always knew her as who she was, and was fine with her being that.

One time I signed up for a creative writing class from some guy with a Japanese name, who turned out to be caucasian. He explained that he had taken his wife's name when they married. He showed Woody Allen movies in class, and that's what we had to write about. All semester.

[zoefruitcake.livejournal.com]

As someone who has had many names I know how confusing it can be. I signed something at work by my real name instead of my old name that I still use here

[fauxklore]

I have friends who created a new last name. His name was Smith and hers was some long Polish name. They took the first syllable of her last name and merged it with smith. He had a lot more hassles over the name change than she did.

[susandennis]

I like that solution. And, I'm sure, in this day and age, a man changing his name is way more of a hassle both socially and legally. I'm not sure I've ever actually known one to do that now that I think about it.

[colestainedpage.livejournal.com]

I changed my name in NC in 2009. There was a lot more to it, but that may have been due to either differences in county laws (I lived in Asheville), or the fact that I wasn't changing it due to marriage ;)

[susandennis]

Interesting. I'm guessing that by 2009, a lot of security stuff had clicked in that wasn't there in the 80's. Asheville is a very favorite place :)

[colestainedpage.livejournal.com]

Oh yes. Fingerprinting, background check, and my request had to be posted on a bulletin in the court house for all to see - in case anyone had any objections to me changing my name. When Billi changed her name after we were married, she just gave everyone copies of our marriage license and that was it. Name changed.

I do love and miss Asheville. Someday we'll go back for vacation and to see old friends.