When being different is difficult

[susandennis]

When I lay dying, I cannot imagine I will want to hook up with friends I haven't seen in 30 years. And I'm pretty sure I'm in the minority there. My old boss (IBM Real Estate days) just called me. For the first time ever since I worked for him. In the end, you just go dig up people from past lives. No me, but apparently it's a thing. He called to tell me that my friend, Earl, is dying. Earl had written after Christmas that he had anal cancer but was beating it and on the mend.

Joe says he never was beating it and now he's facing surgery where they will likely 'cut him open and then just bag him'. According to Joe, he's depressed and can't even find out when this surgery will be. Joe suggests I call him. And gave me his phone number.

Outside of the fact that I hate talking on the phone, I really don't like talking to Earl on a good day. Back 30 years ago, when we were friends, he was fine and fun but the older he got the crabbier he got and we moved so far away from being on the same page that we don't even go to the same library. I last saw him 30 years ago and since then, we've swapped Christmas emails and sometimes birthdays but nothing more.

I don't doubt for a minute that he would enjoy getting a call from me. What I doubt is my ability to make the call. I would not want to get such a call. I don't want to talk to him. And I feel so guilty about it that I probably will call tomorrow.

Comments

[becomingkate.livejournal.com]

Ugh, tough situation. With my mom, she is kind of going through the same thing. People coming out of the woodwork to contact her. Even to contact me. I've never gotten so many phone calls from my relatives as I have in the past couple weeks.

Anyway, it probably would make you both feel a little better just to give him a call. Better than regretting it if you don't.

[susandennis]

You are right. Thank you. We talked and it was fine.

[sweetmeow]

For what it's worth, if I was dying, I'm not sure I'd want to reconnect with someone I hadn't seen in 30 years either. It's hard to know because I'm not in that situation. It's just my feeling that it would feel awkward and take too much energy to reconnect.

Also -- I don't much like to talk on the phone either. It's easier if I'm taking care of some business detail, but harder if it's a personal conversation, especially with someone I don't know well. it borders on being a phone phobia, but not totally because if I must, I do it. I just try to work it that my communication (except for close friends / family) are via email if at all possible.

I read you called - and glad you did. I'm sure you brightened his day - if only a little, and -- regrets stink.

[badrobot68.livejournal.com]

When I'm dying, you can just tweet at me. :)

[susandennis]

Deal! And that made me LOL.

[kk1raven.livejournal.com]

I don't know what I'd want in that situation. I'd prefer to re-establish contact with people I cared about but lost track of while I'm well enough to enjoy doing so though, not wait until I'm dying. Failing that, maybe I would enjoy hearing from lost friends or maybe I'd just be in too much pain or too stressed to have the energy for it.

[susandennis]

It's really one of those things that hard to know til you get there, I think, for some people. I'm just so not a people person, that's it's easy for me.