Continued - Answers

[susandennis]

pinmedown asked me two great questions in comments to my last Continued post. They were such good questions that I had to give them more thought than usual and thought I'd just answer in a separate entry.


I know you certainly don't dwell on them, but do you have regrets?

I do. I do have regrets. I have big ones and little ones.

The big over arching one is that I wish had been and was now a nicer person. I'm just not. I can be mean but that's really not even the issue, the issue is that I'm just not nice. I'm not kind, I'm considerate but I'm just not nice to people and I wish I were different. It has always seemed like a simple and easy thing to do until I can't and don't. I've never figured out the key and I do regret that.

I do wish I hadn't wasted my time in school. I wish I had taken the whole opportunity more seriously. I am smart and if I had used those smarts productively when I had people right there to teach me, I'd be way smart now. It seems like such a waste that I didn't.

And the rest are just little regrets. Like I regret purchases I made or places I didn't go. Inconsequential stuff. Oh and my not going to the dentist regularly.

And you are right. I do not dwell. I learned long ago that wallowing in regret served zero purpose. It didn't promote corrective behavior and just made me miserable. If possible, find some good in the bad and even if not, just move on. There are more mistakes to make just around the corner!


Who taught you about saving money etc?

I think it was a combo...

When I was first starting out, my Dad sat me down and showed me how and why to think about fixed expenses like rent and electricity as opposed to discretionary expenses like groceries and shoes and why it mattered and a little about how to budget. At the time I did not pay nearly enough attention to what he was saying but I did manage to get something out of it.

Somewhere, I read or heard or somehow learned from somewhere (specific enough there on the source??_ that small savings are worth the effort. It may seem like a ridiculous effort to wait until meat is on sale or go out of your way to the cheaper gas station, but if you make it a habit, it does mount up. Even all the little bits. Now, having said that, I've never been a big coupon clipper so there are limits :)

And then many (like 30) years after my father's lesson, my financial adviser told me to just save something. Put something aside out of every paycheck. Put it somewhere you can't get to it. Even if it's only $20. I thought this was too little, and kind of a silly idea but he was kind of intimidating and I didn't have a good reason not to so I did. And, what I learned was that 1. I did not miss the money I put aside and 2. I loved seeing the pot of $$ grow. And I was hooked on the idea. I gradually started growing the amount and then adding other $ in and pretty soon, I was a real, honest to god saver.

Comments

[jaywil.livejournal.com]

You may have more kindness than you give yourself credit for. You always answer everyone's comments in a very nice way.

[susandennis]

What a very nice thing for you to say. Thank you.

[pinmedown.livejournal.com]

Thanks! That was fun to read. Great answers 👍

PS I think being nice is way overrated :) being nice to YOURSELF is the most important and boy are you good at that!

[susandennis]

hahahah! Oh yeah, being nice to myself. I got that nailed! :)

[gracegiver]

I wanted to come back here for a sec and commend you on your honesty. I have no doubt , that honesty is ... well, who you are and part of your being, but I think it's rare to hear someone admit to not being nice.

That was nice of you to say it! :)

[bill-schubert.livejournal.com]

Interesting entry to read about for me. I'm so much the same. The big picture of people I'm compassionate about. One by one I'm not. No patience. As my niece says I don't suffer fools gladly. I'd say at all. I don't feel like I'm being harsh but I've been told that I am. Interesting that we both have some of that but get on well together. "Everyone is queer but me and thee and sometimes I wonder about thee". Mom.

And I think we exchanged thoughts about this before, you got the money talk. Money has always been mercury in my hands. I'd have been long ago destitute were it not for joining the military. You'd have thought that father would have spent time with me on the subject but I think I never stayed still long enough.

[susandennis]

They one I always heard about me was that 'she takes no prisoners'. But the best one was from my Bob Dennis. 'you don't even realize you've been sliced until you go to try and get up.'

Yeah, it's a long standing issue. :)

But, you appear to me to have so much kindness and patience with people. I'm kind of surprised to hear your take on it here. funny that.

Also you have that big picture thing going which I really don't have enough of.

And now I'm done editing this comment to your comment. :)

[susandennis]

ooops no, I'm not done.

Remember early on, you got an allowance for everything like me and Nancy? But, it didn't last long with you because you just couldn't handle it? I remember Mom saying that your head was just too full of creative imagination. I remember being oh so jealous of that creative imagination!

But, maybe that's why you didn't get the talk.

[zoefruitcake.livejournal.com]

I totally agree about savings. I blow through lump sums in no time but I always have little saving schemes set up and they really grow