I was married once

[susandennis]

I remember my wedding was on November 4. I don't remember the year. I don't remember when I moved out or when my divorce was final. I have nothing to prove I was married or divorced. I have a social security card with my birth name and one with my married name. My ex-husband is dead and it was all now more than 30 years ago but it bugs me, for some weird reason that I don't have the dates or the papers to prove it.

Searching on November 4, I can work out that the year of the wedding must have been 1978 because I know it was a Saturday. I lived in Mecklenburg County, North Carolina but the wedding was in Burke County.

I know that I moved out in February. I believe it was 1980 or maybe 812 but I don't think the divorce was final until much later that year or maybe even the next one. In Mecklenburg County. Every once in a while I visit the county's website to see if I can find it. This morning I discovered they have outsourced their vital records and, it appears, I need $40 and the date to get a copy of the divorce decree.

So, that nails it. I no longer care. Moving on.

It is chilly in here this morning. It feels nice but I think I'm going to trade in this regular shirt for one of my fleece ones. And maybe get another cup of coffee.

Ohhhh! My replacement computer pen that was scheduled for delivery tomorrow is coming today! That's a delightful discovery. I need to get out and take a walk today but other than that, nothing big going on. Not clear what 'make' thing is on the agenda. Maybe the top I have planned out of that blanket?

Comments

[maju01.livejournal.com]

Huh, we got married on the same day. I'm never sure if it was 4th or 5th November, but I know it was a Saturday so it must have been 4th. I can also never remember my divorce date. However, I have had to obtain papers proving these events for immigration, visa, and citizenship purposes.

[susandennis]

Wild! Yeah, I keep thinking somewhere I need to prove I am no longer married. But, I never have and so maybe I never will.

Divorce in the UK

[(Anonymous)]

Just a little something that may be of interest. I worked for many years in care and i had to produce my divorce papers i think it was every 2 years as part of checks because of the name changes. It did bug me and i tell anyone in care if they get married think about not changing your name or you will never be allowed to forget it while working in any care sector if you divorce .

RE: Divorce in the UK

[susandennis]

Interesting. I'd suck as a care worker anyway :)

[amw.livejournal.com]

I'm curious, when you fill out forms, do you tick "single" or "divorced"?

I am in a weird situation right now where technically i think i am still married. We filed for divorce years ago, but apparently it is a several step process, so the final proceeding has not gone through and neither of us have the time, money or interest to go back to the local court to finalize it.

Still, when i am confronted with a form, it obviously doesn't make sense to tick the "married" box, since we haven't seen one another in over 5 years and don't even live in the same country any more. But i am also reluctant to tick "divorced", because i think it's weird to record a marriage against your name after you dissolved it. I remember my mother talking to me about this ~20 years ago or so, and she said the day she stopped ticking "divorced" and started ticking "single", the world didn't collapse. No one threw her in jail for it. But she felt like she wasn't defined by something in her past any more. I always think about that when i get a form and tick "single".

[susandennis]

GREAT question! Single. I always check single.

Before the divorce was final but after we'd been separated for a long time, I got my tubes tied. It was in the dark ages and there were many many hoops and all along the way, I was sure someone was going to say NOPE. Not going to do it because your eyelashes are not curled or some such hooha.

The day I went in, I had to fill out yet another form at the out patient part of the hospital. It had that question and I checked single because, fuck 'em.

When I took the form up to the receptionist she said "we'll need your husband's signature... oh, wait, you are single. ok." Probably, checking divorced would have worked but likely they would have wanted proof.

Single. I always check single.

(As a surprise shortly after we were married (because I had asked for it) he went and got a vasectomy one day. No one required my signature and he had ZERO hoops to jump through. He decided that morning and got it at lunch.)

[badrobot68.livejournal.com]

I think it's funny that you've forgotten the details, but they're unimportant to you now, so who cares? I'll probably never forget getting married on April Fool's Day though. :)

[katbyte.livejournal.com]

FYI, I hope you never have to do this stupidness. I have had a Florida Drivers license since 2000 when I moved here. The last time I renewed it online, easy, peasy.
In 2014 this cluster fuck happened. Because of either homeland security or some other idiocy, I had to prove who I was. I, too, was married before in Reno, NV 1965. I have nothing to prove I got married which took me from my maiden name (Key) to my married name (Ash). I never changed back to my maiden name when I married my second husband (Walker) I had to send for my 1st marriage license to prove I went from Key to Ash so there was a paper trail to my birth certificate. It cost me to send for the first marriage license, and then I also got a passport which was easy and they would accept that. That license cost me about $300. You probably will never need it, but this could happen to anyone. No matter I had a drivers license in this state for 14 years when this all happened.

[zoefruitcake.livejournal.com]

You are lucky you haven't had to show the paperwork at any point, I have to show EVERYTHING to work here, even my first marriage certificate