The real questions

[susandennis]

Lately I seem to be dealing with a lot of hidden questions. I think we all deal with hidden questions all the time and just don't need to bother to reveal them. But, sometimes you can get better results if you do.

Know the answer you want before you ask the question.

I just this morning spent a while crafting an email that I did not send. It's in my drafts folder right now and it may never get out of here except to be trashed. The email is to the manager of a person I'm working with. While that person is causing me no end of issues, and blowing the whistle makes very good sense, I want to make sure that I direct the result carefully.

I don't want this guy to think I'm a whiner. I do want him to understand that I can do a better job for him if this yahoo would get out of my face. BUT I also know that the yahoo is not going to be removed because he pissed off some lowly vendor.

So... what do I want my note to do and can I create it in a way to manage that outcome? If not, am I not better just deleting the note and not sending it?

Put on your target's shoes and walk around in them first.

If I were Sarah, the way I'd fix Mom's issues with medicine while my assisted living staff was still getting 'fixed' is that I'd put Mom into the nursing section temporarily. There she's have constant care by nurses. I told Polly this and she hit the roof. 'They can't do that! Your Mom would hate that! What about the quality of her life?!' Yes, they can do that. They need to ensure she is safe and alive and that would be a good way to do that during this transition. Yes, Mom would hate it. And if I'm Sarah my answer is, we need to make sure she has a life before we worry about quality of it.

All of this was to help Polly see that it will not work out too well to make 'the home' our enemy. It will work out better if we help them help us to fix the problem temporarily until they can fix the staffing issues.

I'm still mushing some of this around in my own head so I have no great grand conclusions... just kind of organizing my thoughts here...

But I do remember a key plot point that I read in a novel once. It was a about corporate intrigue and the main character was getting jerked around by his female boss in all kinds of strange ways. He was counseled by a elder statesman... 'find the problem she is trying to solve and that will explain her actions'.

I think about that so much. Is he just trying to prove he's go balls? Is she trying to cover her ass? Is he worried about what I (or anyone else) will think?

What's causing this behavior and can I affect the cause to help manage the behavior better? Hmmmm

Donut time here but I'm still thinking...

Comments

[beaq.livejournal.com]

Problem with finding the problem is that there may be multiple problems, and more than one priority competing for his/her/its problem-solving behavior. Perhaps that's likely to be the case when you can't figure out WTF is driving them?

[susandennis]

Exactly but the more you know about the drivers, I'm convinced, the better able you are to help them get you want you want. I doubt if it is ever crystal clear but to just charge in blindly on fast assumptions is rarely a good plan. I think.

[beaq.livejournal.com]

Yeh.