I'm slow but I get there

[susandennis]

I got laid off from my last job 6 years ago. I really was not ready. I knew it was my last job that very day but lived in denial while I hunted around, kinda, for a new job.

Maybe it was because the decision wasn't really mine or maybe it was because I never had considered retirement or maybe it was because I really liked working, but, for whatever reasons, it took me a really really long time to get the hang of retirement.

I was really embarrassed, initially, to even admit it. When someone asked me what I did, I avoided the question. That went on for a year or more. I had trouble getting comfortable with my days. When they opened up LA Fitness in West Seattle and I could swim every single day, that helped. (Before that, I swam most days at one city pool or another but none was open for laps every single day.)

I still struggled a little with the rest of the day. Not bored at all but just not comfortable. Until this year. This year, I finally feel comfortable. I no longer worry that I'm wasting time or should be doing this or that. I have finally learned to go with the flow and just enjoy whatever is happening. Hard to believe it took me so long but at least I'm glad I got here.

I'm considering a trip over to Uwajimaya later on this morning. I need the steps and Zoey needs more pumpkin and I can get a poke bowl for lunch. Otherwise, I have lots of sewing projects - none with hard deadlines. A baseball game tonight.

Comments

[hopefulspirit.livejournal.com]

It must be hard to go from working so many years to suddenly not having that to do. I'm glad you're comfortable with it now.

[susandennis]

Oh it wasn't not having anything to do. I had plenty - always have - to do.

It was missing the feeling like I mattered. Like I was productive, efficient, a critical cog. And I missed the feedback.

[gneu.livejournal.com]

I've always been one to not know what to do with myself when not at work. I grew up on a work ethic of not being allowed to relax, and I despise that upbringing. The girlfriend's mom was restless around the house when she stopped working, but yet she refused to do anything that would get her out of the house. I don't get it!

[susandennis]

I have no problem entertaining myself. Never had. I was never unhappy being retired. Just unsettled.

I missed the intangibles that you get with work. Especially work you enjoy. I always had jobs that I enjoyed very much.

[gneu.livejournal.com]

That's a good life. I recommend that for anyone.

[nanila]

I so miss Uwajimaya.

[susandennis]

It's a wonderful place. It really is.