Obsessing

[susandennis]

It's now dark when I get out from the gym parking lot. I love it. I leave in the dark and get home in the dark and then watch the sunrise over coffee knowing the whole day is still ahead of me and I've already swam a mile. Yeah, I get that this happens when it's daylight, too BUT it just feels more invigorating to sneak off and swim and get home before the day starts.

One day something will happen to prevent my swimming. And that will be the end of me. I read a lot about end of life stuff and quality of life stuff. As people try to ascertain your true state they like to create a list of what means quality to you. Do you want to us to do everything in our power to keep you alive no matter what? What about if you could no longer live alone on your own?What if your life could be spared but you would be blind or deaf or unable to eat or unable to walk? etc.

Or upside down time. What if kale was toxic? Or low cal/low fat foods were really bad for you? Or nicotine was restorative? Or if working out and physical exercise had detrimental long term effects?

Those things are interesting for me to think about but I know this. If I cannot swim, I'm done. Whether it's good for me or not. Doesn't matter. Forget the rest. I've had a wonderful fabulous 70 year long life. To ask for more is greedy. Every single day now is a bonus but I need that bonus to come with an hour in the pool. Also for the record, I do not ever ever ever want to be resuscitated under any circumstances.

Wow that was a tangent.

Back to my other current obsession - cable TV and internet. I sent Katie the 'go' email last night. And then I went into TiVo and erased all my settings for shows/channels that will not be available to me once I deleted the expanded channel package. I discovered that even though I'm included in my brother's 'google family', I cannot share his youtubetv package after all. All family members need to live in the same place. (Yes, we can VPN cheat but no thanks.)

Turns out the list of shows I auto record on channels in the extended list is pretty short. 5 shows will no longer be available to me. 3 of them I've nearly lost interest in anyway. 1 of them may not even be coming back after all. And then, just this morning, I learned that Heidi and Tim are leaving Project Runway for Amazon. So that takes care of the list.

The cable modem I ordered will be here Saturday. My cable outlet is on the wall behind the TV. The fiber outlet is on the wall opposite with no way to cross. In the olden days this was a huge problem. It meant everything that needed an ethernet port had to be on the side of the room where the data came in but now, with my mesh router system, I've got one unit near the TV and one on the the other of the room - already set up and ready to go. Perfect.

This transition will be the easiest ever.

Tonight is the pre-penultimate Diamond Club game. I have this one and then one next week and the last one on the 27th. It's been a fun baseball season but I'm ok with its coming to an end this time. As part of my ticket package, I have a pass to be on the field tonight for Mariner batting practice but I'm not sure if I'll even do it. I need to get there between 3 and 4. The Diamond Club does not open until 5. The game starts at 7 and goes til 10 or 11. So... do I want to go at 3 and stay til 11 with only really half of those 8 hours with stuff to actually do/see? I could go at three, hang for 30 mins, come home and go back at 5 but do I want to? meh. I'll decide later.

Right now, I need more coffee.

Comments

[coffeeguy777.livejournal.com]

What Heidi & Tim leaving PR shudders at the thought 😬😬😬

[susandennis]

Really! But it made it easy for me. They are the show for me. I can leave the rest. I'll miss Nina. But not that much.

[fflo.livejournal.com]

Do you remember an ad campaign for the Marines, about how they do more before 6 a.m. than most people do all day? Mighta been a different time, might notta been the Marines, but something like that.

[fflo.livejournal.com]

Well, I identified the variables right. Army, 9 a.m.

[susandennis]

I figured they were on the east coast so their 9 am is my 6 am !

[gracegiver]

I'm with you on the end of life thing. But I wonder what I can do if a disability takes my freedom to move around away from me. Or if I become really sick, but still don't die. How can I end my own life when I"m ready? I suppose I could just allow the illness to take over, just give me morphine to kill the pain, eventually, I'll die. I suppose.
Have you thought this through? All the what-ifs?

[susandennis]

have you thought this through? all the what-ifs

Obsessively. With the gigantic caveat that actually faced with the situation, my thoughts and feelings may well do a 180, my thoughts have always been, when the quality of my life (as I define it) degrades beyond my capacity to deal, I will end it. I have no qualms about that at all. I've discussed it at length with my family (which is my brother) and he gets it.

I'll internet my way to the end probably starting with the Hemlock Society. I'd like the easiest, most pain free method but, honestly, I'll go with whatever gets the job done.

[gracegiver]

Thank you, I didn't know about the Hemlock Society. I bookmarked it.

[zyzyly.livejournal.com]

I've given some thought to the what ifs, though my thinking usually runs toward nasty diseases that I don't want to get rather than losing a particular function. I've seen too much in my years as a nurse, and have a definite list of things I don't want to endure. When I gave it some thought after reading your entry, it kind of boiled down to whether I could still take pictures or not.

[susandennis]

Good to get it boiled down. At least for me. It makes it easier to deal. And yeah on the nasty diseases. It would not take too high a nasty level for me to pull the Quality of Life lever.

[rsc.livejournal.com]

Tonight is the pre-penultimate Diamond Club game.

For future reference, "antepenultimate" is actually a word, with exactly this meaning.

I wish your guys would do their job against you-know-who.

[susandennis]

I did NOT know about antepenultimate. I love it!! Thank you.

But, while yeah, we screwed the pooch last night, we are the Mariners so whaddya expect. You, on the other hand... shame shame. I expect more.

[rsc.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I know. The two bullpen guys who gave it up have been very good lately. But not last night, for some reason. We'll try to be better today and tomorrow.

I'm glad we were dancing last night, rather than sitting at home watching that debacle.

[siglinde99.livejournal.com]

I am following your cable package transition with great interest. It is probably quite different here, but I have never actually made all the switch stuff. I hate how much I pay right now for internet, home phone and a mobile. I looked it up last week and discovered that a company many friends use can give me the same interenet/phone package for about one fifth of what I’m paying now. Only the mobile will stay with the current company, if I can get my ass in gear to call and set it up.

You o on the swimming!

[susandennis]

Call! Maybe you'll get a Katie!

[siglinde99.livejournal.com]

I will call, I promise! At this point, I’m so annoyed about the bill I would take anyone who could give me a better deal. Someone like Katie would just be a happy bonus.