How bad can it be?

[susandennis]

Today is a baseball day. The Mariners game is unusually early - 12:40. That puts the pregame buffet at 10:40. So I'm calling it brunch. Why not? Monday's game was outstanding. Yesterday's game sucked donkey balls. Who the heck knows what today's game will bring... except for me it will be bringing a great meal with a bloody mary - minimum. So how bad can it be?

It's cool and cloudy now but I'm sure that as soon as I get my butt into my seat, the sun will come out, the breeze will die and I will fry. But, I'll fry watching baseball so, again, how bad can it be?

This morning, my swim buddy, Matt told me that he'll be gone next week. On a birthday trip. He's turning 40. I asked him where he was going and his reply included '... my boyfriend has a business trip to Boise so I'm going, too.'

I live in Seattle. I'm guessing our gay population is well above the 10% range. And it's 2019 so information like that, in a casual exchange is nothing even usual except it struck me with how really nice that is. It's like a coming out in passing. Or a non-coming out because whothefuckcares and itdoesnotmatteronebit.

I remember in the 70's when my friend, Jon told me he was gay by showing me 'our bedroom' when he gave me a tour of his and Page's apartment. About that time, my friend, Bernard, never did say anything out loud but asked that I be his friend's 'date' in case his family was there when we visited him in the hospital. He died soon thereafter from what we later found out was AIDS. My work friend Steven came out to me when our weird co-worker, Ming, accused him of coming on to her. Just yesterday I was watching a British murder mystery that really hinged on the victim's not reporting when he was first attacked for fear of people finding out he was gay.

As I swam this, I remembered all this with gratitude that all the Matts - at least here in Seattle - can be just regular people with regular lives in a nobigdeal way.

But 40! Wow. He looks 30. And I love that he has someone special in his life.

And speaking of 40, my brother's oldest is turning 40 this week. My brother sent me a copy of an email he sent his birthday son. It's basically the tale of what 40 years ago this week looked like to him - a kid in New York City about to become a father for the first time. Contractions first hit over breakfast one morning and their doctor suggested they split a beer and wait to see if it was real or braxton hicks. Split a beer for breakfast. They did. 40 years. Wow. But, also a very cool birthday present, I think.

Ok, time to gather my baseball gear and get it ready.

Comments

[meowmensteen]

You know, at some point I realized my straight privilege when I was talking about my weekend at work once. I didn't think twice about saying, "My husband and I went to...." No one would bat an eye at that statement. Then I realized that if a dude said that exact same thing, it would cause and instant judgment either good or bad in the mind of whomever was listening. Sometime as simple as saying what you did with your significant other on the weekend can be such a bid deal when your SO doesn't fit the social norms. I even began to worry about saying things like that around my gay co-workers when I made that realization because it almost felt like I was rubbing it in their face that I could talk like that so casually. At least now it's becoming easier for people to talk about their spouse more casually but that all depends on who they're talking to... and sometimes you just don't know what a coworker thinks.

[susandennis]

yes yes yes

[amw.livejournal.com]

This is a great comment.

I realized recently that I often pretend everyone at work is single and childless. Even when I had a partner at home I never mentioned her in the office. When other people mention their personal relationships at work I find it awkward and uncomfortable. I know technically there shouldn't be anything wrong about mentioning family in the office, but it grates for me every time and I wonder if you just elucidated why.

[dadi.livejournal.com]

Just wondering...is there sometimes a blonde singer named Kim doing the anthem before the games? From my times in operasinger LJ communities, I have a friend who sometimes wrote about singing the anthem at Mariners games!

[susandennis]

Not at any of the games I've been to so far BUT I will absolutely be on the lookout now and let you know!

[idahoswede.livejournal.com]

I remember way, way back when I had the reputation of being a fag hag (horrible name, but common back then), because I would hang with my gay friends and show up with them to things like business Christmas parties and other stuff because they could not let out that they were gay. Isn't that sad?

[susandennis]

Actually I was the same but I'm not sure I share your feelings. I got to go to lot of great parties and meals as a fag hag. I was proud to serve. I'm sorry it was such a fact of life but I had a great time.

[idahoswede.livejournal.com]

I may have phrased that badly. I had no problems hanging with all of my dear friends and helping them out, but it was sad that they even had to consider doing that to hide their orientation and keep that closet door firmly shut. I never complained either, because I had season tickets to the ballet, entry to some of the best after-hours private clubs in Washington, D.C. and some of the best friends ever.

[siglinde99.livejournal.com]

Things sure have changed in 40 years. I remember when my friend Ouen first came and it was a big deal for him. That was about 30 years ago and he was super-stressed about it. Reflecting back, I see how my own views about gay marriage have evolved, and abortion, among other things. At that time, I had no idea being trans was a thing, and now I have many friends who are trans, or have trans children.

I like your brother’s gift to his son. For the record, I would split a beer for breakfast too :).

[howeird]

Seattle has long had the largest gay population after San Francisco. In college back in the late 60's-early 70's many of my friends from the folkdance community were gay - some openly, some not. One of them, Jimmi, did needlework on the bus on his way to school. He rode the same bus as my Mom, and they became friends (she also did needlepoint and knitting on the bus). When he came out to me, I had known for years, my response was "so what?" He felt he needed to explain why he was moving to LA. It was to be near his boyfriend. I was more surprised he was moving to LA than I was that he had a boyfriend.

[(Anonymous)]

The most fun people I knew in Van., BC were not straight. I miss those folk so much now that I live in Tiny Town, AB.

[rsc.livejournal.com]

But 40! Wow. He looks 30.

Everybody under 50 looks 30. And everyone under 35 looks like they're in high school. Hadn't you noticed?

Yes, things have certainly changed and improved for gay folks, at least in large cities. There are probably still plenty of places, not so far from either Boston or Seattle, where Matt couldn't be so casually out.

As we have no doubt mentioned, jwg get asked all the time (by complete strangers) if we're twins, and we tell them that we're not even brothers, but husbands. If anybody is shocked or disapproves, they've had the grace not to show it.

[susandennis]

it does get more and more difficult to tell ages. your formula is about right.

i wondered how often people ask you guys about the twin thing. i love that you can answer 'husbands'. my guess is that many are hiding their surprise of delight.

[rsc.livejournal.com]

i wondered how often people ask you guys about the twin thing.

Just about every time we appear together in public.

my guess is that many are hiding their surprise of delight.

Most express some form of approval, usually with a little surprise mixed in.

[mrdreamjeans.livejournal.com]

Your kind and unsurprised reaction to Matt's remark is one of the most special things about you ... Growing up in Texas, I could not have made such a casual remark, even to a friend, without some risk involved. You're the best!

[susandennis]

Thank you