The people who are left...

[susandennis]

I finally got a hold of my cousin last night. He's such an odd duck and I so admire his odd duckness. We have almost zero in common and, as I pointed out last night, since we basically only talk when somebody dies, we could be looking at a dry spell since we're kind of running out of peops. He's got no one left. His parents and grandparents and aunts and uncles are gone and his only cousins are us. Neither my brother or sister 'get' him.

But he totally 'gets' me. He told me last night 'you know when you were a kid you used to always say you wished you were an orphan and now you are!!' And he's so right. I used to storm around the house declaring that orphans didn't have to put up with all this family crap and that I was going to apply to their program. I'd forgotten. It cracked me up.

I think maybe now I'll pretend to be an only child as well. As soon as the estate is settled, I can really see maybe the odd contact now and then with my brother maybe. But, my sister? No thank you...

I just got an email from Polly who tells me that my sister is not leaving on Tuesday as planned 'but needs more time, alone, for personal closure...' ohmygod. So she's staying until Thursday. It means that we (me and Polly) will need to postpone finishing everything off for a couple of days but whatfuckingever. I don't care.

It's interesting and liberating that I no longer need to be envious or jealous of anything she says or does. I no longer have to worry about what she's going to fuck up in Mom's world that I will have to go behind her and fix. I no longer have to worry about anything in relationship to her at all. Once she gets her third, I'll be done with her.

I appreciate that she's not being a diva about the arrangements there these past few days but I also know that she knows that I am the executor and she needs the cash. So I may only give her points for not being totally stupid.

Man, I got some real venom here.... but, I'm ok with that.

Comments

[katbyte.livejournal.com]

Been there with my sister. Hope your situation goes smoothly. Mine didn't. But she did sober up two years later and all is ok better now.

I talk to her once a year maybe.

Condolences

[bluedrum.livejournal.com]

Susan, I did not comment at the time of your Mother's death, for that, I apologise. It brought back memories of my Nana's passing. You took care of your Mother amazingly well, considering the distance between the two of you. Right now, things will be very close to the surface, and pain will surprise you at times. The following poem is one that I wrote the night of Nana's death. I offer it in the hope that it may help.


ELEGY


I do not weep for her
I weep for myself
I weep for all the memories
That now I alone remember

I do not weep for her
I weep for the pain of her daughter
Who truly believed that will power
Could stave off time and death

I do not weep for her
I weep for my son
Who never knew the woman I remember
But loved so much the little that he knew

I do not weep for her
I weep for generations still to come
Who will know her only second hand
Old photos, letters, things she loved

I do not weep for her
I weep for near a century of history
Lost like a burned library
Priceless, irreplacable, gone

I do not weep for her
I weep that life goes on
Instead of pausing
Out of respect, as I feel it should

I do not weep for her
I weep that the fight was so hard
The contest so long
The outcome so sure

I do not weep for her
I weep for joy
That she sits with her sister
And gossips in the sun

I do not weep for her
For she picnics by the stream
With her brother and his wife
And all the ones who went before

I do not weep for her
I weep that she is young again
And straight and without pain
And joyful - but, still - I weep

Be well,

Mac

Re: Condolences

[susandennis]

no apology needed for anything - that's very sweet of you to share your thoughts and poem. It's beautiful and very comforting. Your Nana was so lucky.