Today's mothers vs. my mom

[susandennis]

I'm reading all anxiety about children starting school - especially those going to kindergarten. OMG my babies! They won't let me in the classroom!!

Back in the olden days, we didn't have preschool. We didn't have kindergarten. By the time I turned 6, my mom was so over me, she could not get me out the door fast enough! I think she pointed the way to school from the back door, but if so, I didn't wait to hear her. I had had my bookbag* for more than a year and I was itchin' to use it. It would be the last day I ever wanted to go to school but man, I could not get there fast enough.

*We were years away from backpacks.

My sister was a year behind me and my brother, four years. We moved across the country when I was in the middle of 1st grade. They immediately found a private school with a kindergarten for my sister and that same place had a 4 year old kindergarten (yeah pre-school with a different name) that my brother went to the next year and my mother was finally free. FREE!!!!

I saw a thing the other day where a mother was saying that she hopes, when they are grown, her children will understand that she enjoyed them as much as she loved them. That was kind of a lightbulb moment for me.

My mom loved us to bits and was a great great great mom but I'm not at all sure she enjoyed us. She often said, with no jest, that had she had a choice, she would never have had kids. She had no regrets really but I don't think that being a mother was top of her list of fun things to do. Which was fine. We had friends. And one spectacular, tea party attending grandma.

But my mom truly considered the first day of school the most joyous holiday of the year and she started planning and looking forward to it in early June. She would not be impressed with todays' moms. At all.

Comments

[annofowlshire]

Ha, my nervousness about Enting starting school is mostly about all the logistics involved. But then he’s been going to daycare 50 hours a week for the last year and a half (which because of Covid restrictions I literally only stepped foot in for the first time a few months ago), so *shrug*

[solteronita]

Things have changed a lot in the world of being a mother. But it seems to be mostly for the better. And adults are trying a little harder to do right by their kids. I do think it can get a little overly precious, though. The "enjoy every moment!" people are likely to be forgetting the bad parts of their parenting years.

Your mom probably didn't worry that you would be murdered at school, to be fair.

[susandennis]

totally true and fair. totally.

i think, in general she had a whole lot less to worry about on many levels

[kyrielle]

The "enjoy every moment" people make a lot of people still in those moments want to scream at them. I love my kids. I consider them adorable and sweet. But they're kids, they're not perfect, and there are parts of parenting that are just not enjoyable. Nor do they need to be (seriously - if you enjoy every moment, what exactly does that say about things you enjoy??). You just need to handle them and hopefully the next moment is better. :P

[susandennis]

if you enjoy every moment, what exactly does that say about things you enjoy??

Seriously this!

Also where/how did you get that userpic? It's fabulous.

[kyrielle]

Why thank you! It's from a photo I took of myself, I ran it through the Voila AI Artist app. It's fun!

[susandennis]

Thanks!!

[sweetmeow]

I think there were many more moms of your mom's generation who felt as she did.

My mother-in-law once told me in a very offhand moment that if she lived in our generation, she would have been child-free and instead would have nurtured her budding career as an editor. (Before marriage she had an entry-level position at Readers Digest) For a woman of her generation, marriage meant having children, rarely combining a career with it.

My husband heard this information for the first time and was a bit taken aback but not surprised. Throughout his childhood, he sensed his mom "didn't much like kids." But - But - there was that distinction between not liking kids but loving her own, as long as she had sufficient space from them (which, of course, rarely happened).

Then, when Scott was born, the first thing she told me was that she would not babysit. "She'd done her time."

There are differences in the generations, though. When I was a kid, I was allowed to roam free a lot more than I allowed Scott to go off on his own, and parents today are allowing even less freedom. Life, frankly, has become less safe.

[carriea31]

I know my mom wanted kids.... but she has never been extra attached to or emotional about us. She is currently astonished at the level of upset my sister is having over her son going off to the Navy. She is actually quite disgusted and says "I just can't believe she is so emotional over this". Like it sort of revolts her that my sis is attached to her kids. And yet she calls me at least once every single day. Hahahahah. Parents and parenting...both weird.

[kuda]

My mom worked full time. In grade school she took me to the room the first day. Back then school started the day after Labor Day. In the first grade, I was the youngest since my birthday was mid August. I was a shy kid and very quiet so I kept to my self. Junior high and high school I went in by myself since my mom was working. My mom made me walk a mile to school by myself when I was six. Looking back now that seems odd to me. She was scared for me to leave our yard.

My two son asked me to go with them when they started high school. At that age I would have been embarrassed to have my mom with me. Didn't bother them a bit.

Now I would be so scared for my kids. School shooting happen so much now. I'm afraid I would hover too much.

[greghousesgf]

I'm on the autism spectrum and I think my mom wanted normal kids.

[halfmoon_mollie1]

Helicopter Parents. When I worked at the law school, i went about 5 rounds with a parent about her son's housing. (it's a graduate school, remember). She didn't like it that he was in special housing for the grad students and it was SO FAR away from the law school and it is well known that the area is high crime and....You get the general idea. Her son's housing wasn't changed and in the second semester he moved into an off campus apartment with two other students (hm, I wonder what she thought of that?

She often said, with no jest, that had she had a choice, she would never have had kids. My mother was the same way. She was a great mom, but she really would rather have not been a mom.

[meowmensteen]

I remember walking to kindergarten on my own. The problem was that sometimes I'd just walk somewhere else. It took a few spankings before I got it into my head that I was supposed to go to school and not the park.

[sleepybadger]

my mom loved and enjoyed us, but hammered into us from a young age that you and your spouse absolutely have to be on the same page about having kids. She had been engaged before she met my dad and her fiance told her he didn't want to have kids and she decided not to marry him because of it. I'm proud of her for sticking to her guns about it because having children was something she very much wanted to do. And honestly, I think she was assuming that we'd all want to have kids and wanted us to find partners who wanted them too, but I applied the message the other way around. I knew I didn't want to have kids, and so I wasn't willing to be in a relationship with someone who did. I am grateful that I grew up with the ability to say I didn't want to have kids (though I certainly got a ton of pushback, especially when I was younger). I'm sure I would have loved any kids that I did end up having, but I think, like your mom, I wouldn't have particularly enjoyed them. I love and enjoy my niece and nephew, but I get to send them home at the end of the day.

[rsc]

Back in the olden days, we didn't have preschool. We didn't have kindergarten.

I suppose this is location-dependent; I'm a few years older than you, and we definitely had kindergarten in NYC. (I think I did a year or so if pre-school, too, but it was far from universal.)

bookbag*...We were years away from backpacks.

I had a briefcase, at least in junior high and high school.

[susandennis]

I'm sure very regional and also urban vs. suburban. Does not surprise me about NYC. I was in Missouri and then North Carolina.

Briefcase would have worked fine! My bookbags were very brief case like.

[cdayzee]

As a mom, I dreaded a new school year every year, especially as my kids got older because it meant more stress for me, times 3. Although it was nice to have time to myself during the day.

Summers weren't stress-free due to lack of school though because then I had to corral 3 of them every day with no break. I'm very introverted & an only child, so it was very overwhelming. My husband was frequently in another country for his job, so it all fell to me.

Two of my grandchildren live in another state from me, so I don't see them often or have to deal with school or caretaking. But my granddaughter will be starting school soon & I'm responsible for picking her up daily. So I'm back to programming the school calendar into my phone & working around that & having to get out in all types of weather or health. But at least she's not living with me & I'm not responsible for all the 'upkeep' lol.

As a child, I didn't think about school too much because I knew it was a necessity. In fact, once my regimented school career ended when I graduated HS, I floundered.

[zoefruitcake]

My mother used to enjoy spending time with us but also we spent a lot of time doing activities on our own during the holidays unlike kids today. I spent hours reading