with old age comes...

[susandennis]

Last night I was so angry with SteveTheLawyer that I could not go to sleep. For months now, he has repeatedly asked me what I want him to send and mostly I have said 'nothing'. Finally he wore me down and I said 'whatever you can ship for a reasonable cost'.

We've talked several times about stuff that might be worth selling. Every single time, I've assured him that I had NO interest in that and to please just trash or donate everything. SamTheFriend says the same. Before he died my cousin even told him to put all the contents of the house in a dumpster.

Then last night I get a text that says:

We got all of Bill's private stuff out of the house and a large trailer full of stuff, old furniture, etc, and a couple of wall hangings that are worth selling.

Why in the hell is he even asking me if he's going to do what he wants anyway?????

And then, I thought, WTF am I doing?? I'm driving myself nuts for no reason. What he's doing isn't hurting anyone. He's not doing anything maliciously. The estate has enough money to pay his fees. Would I like him to wrap this all the fuck up? Yes. But, it's not costing me a thing and I'm making myself crazy.

I'm torn between giving him a strong talking to or just minimal convo of any kind. But, either way, I'm going to quit stressing over it.

I've been thinking a lot lately about what makes me angry at people and be mean to people. Generally it's issues of power and respect and sometimes just idiocy. I should be able to just ignore all of that. Is my being rude or sharp to them going to make them smarter? Have less or more power or respect? Fuck no.

It makes me more angry. And probably them, too. What difference does it make how they are? I shouldn't care - especially now, in my old age. I have nothing to prove. I have a wonderful life. I need to teflon everybody - the building manager, SteveTheLawyer, the Amazon delivery men (oddly the delivery women get it right) - everybody.

No more mad me.

I'm smack in the middle of a really good book. It could turn on me but so far I'm really enjoying it... Blood Sugar by Sascha Rothchild. It's a first novel and it's a delight.

The cats have scratched the leather on the seat of my waytooexpensive recliner. I thought about their claws before I bought it but that was before Julio's little claws and before I had two cats chasing each other and jumping all over everything.

I was horrified when I first saw the damage. And then I got over it. I have insurance that covers repair if they really kill it. What they've done so far is fixable by me. The two areas that they tend to scratch most are both easily covered. And it's not like I need this furniture to last 50 years or even really 20. So Whatever.

I just got a note from the Seattle Humaine Rescue. It's their final adoption follow up email. They remind me that I brought Julio home exactly 3 months ago.

Biggie was bored and biting and hated me. Julio was tiny and timid and hiding in the back of his kitty bed. That was 3 months ago. This was this morning.



Yes, that's my lap and yes, that's the recliner that they scratch and I don't care and I'm not mad.

Comments

[seattlejo]

I get spun up by people doing dumb things on FB. Redditt too sometimes. I'll get all "someone on the internet is wrong" and pick fights. It's not really helpful, and doesn't benefit me.

(So a little camaraderie there on the meanness)

[susandennis]

It's so difficult to reign in the natural 'i'm right and you are an idiot' tendency. Thanks for the camaraderie.

[wpadmirer]

I have found getting angry takes too much energy. I hate doing it, and I hate it when people succeed in pushing me far enough they make me angry.

So I am rarely ever angry, and in my new job, I haven't been pissed off once. Isn't that wonderful?

[susandennis]

it is wonderful! a great lesson to learn and habit to make

[desdemonaspace]

You're right - letting go of things we can't control is pretty brill.

[legalmoose]

If it's discrete areas they scratch I found that a combo of double sided tape on those areas and a nearby scratching post to distract them does wonders to get them to the right place to scratch.

[susandennis]

right but they aren't scratching like scratching post scratching... they are wrestling in the chair with their claws out and racing across and using the chair as a launcher ... I need to make sure all claws are clipped at all times.

[timbearuk]

I like the way you think, I would follow you advice to ignore stuff but I am a crotchety old man and I happily own it. I just vent to the world in general about how stupid the occupants are and it makes me feel better. Of course, the stupid never gets fixed, which would be the desirable outcome, but it was ever thus!

[susandennis]

oh i will own the crotchety. but, it's the mean and snark and hateful towards others that really disappoints me. so if i'm not mad, then maybe i can cut them all a break (even if they don't deserve it). ok so it's not totally working but, i try.