Night time adventures

Every once in a while (thankgod it's only every once in a while) my COPD attacks me while I sleep. Last night was one of those times. I was sleeping away and woke up about 3:30. I got up to pee and when I got back to bed, I was gasping for air and coughing. I keep water by the bed and tried drinking a little water and it just got worse. I was sucking in air and not getting any oxygen. It's really terrifying.

I finally just lay in the bed, spread eagle and tried to be as quiet as possible with every action. It took about 30 minutes but finally I got my breath back and could go back to sleep.

Every time this happens I think/wonder if I will ever be able to breathe on my own again. My Mom spent her last years hauling around an oxygen tank. I'm so not interested in that.

But this morning, I got up and got coffee and all seems to be ok.

Now that I can breathe, I decided to call Social Security and see what was up with my application for getting that started in March. They tell you to apply 3 months before it is due to kick in. I'm due to start receiving payments on March 1 so I did the application on December 1. Their website and voice prompts say to look for status in 5 days. It's been 5 days. So I called. When you pound through the telephone tree, you can select to wait on hold or have them call you back. I picked call back and am now on the phone with Sean who is looking up my application.

He just came back on and said that my application looks fine and that I should receive snail mail confirmation about mid-February. That 5 day thing must be legislative CYA.

So, whew. I can breathe and the government is going to start paying me in 2 months. Yeah!

Had I gone to CES this morning, I'd be draggin'. My feet would be killing me. I'd be tired of fighting crowds. And dragging my ass through one more day would seem insurmountable. But, my brother and I would be bucking each other up and charging on until the finish line at the airport tomorrow morning.

This morning he says he's going to take some time, get some coffee and put his feet up and do a 'virtual show tour'. I can dig it. CES was so much fun but is now, I think, firmly in the BeenThereDidThat box.

Today there will be breakfast on my new cooktop and then swimming and then this and that. My nice retired day.

Today's Basket

Previous basket photos

Ranty and a little morbid maybe

The new building manager is no longer new. He's been here a year. And he's more condescending and annoying every single day. After the inspector was here on Monday, I scanned a copy of his sign off, signed by him - Bob Zook - it had his name on it in 3 places - and sent it in an email. According to the condo rules, I had to file a permit for the work and a sign off after. That has now been done. EXCEPT...

This asshole has now replied to my email twice telling me I have to send the sign off to Bob Zook. WTF???? I am to give the piece of paper that was given to me back to the guy who gave it to me??? Each note carries a paragraph is condescension 'it is not my place to do this part of the job for you'. AAAAASSSSSHHHHHOOOOOOLLLLLLEEEEE

I don't need Calgon to take me away, I need it to take him away and soon, please.

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Last night, during the 30 minutes I was trying to return to normal breathing, I wondered if I would just stop breathing all together. I remembered, gratefully, that the dishes were washed and the kitchen was clean. There is a lot of dirty laundry but it's all in the basket. My brother will be the one to clean up after I die and he has all my passwords, is joint on my bank account and has all the legal stuff under control. It really was comforting to have everything in place.

Swimming gives me a wonderful hour every day when there are nearly zero distractions. The pool got new lane lines so that was a little fun distraction today but mostly it's me and my imagination with the sound track.

Today while I swam, I thought more of my death. And remembered my friend, John's. John died exactly like he wanted and like I want to. By myself, in my own bed. His sister called me to tell me and ask if I knew his passwords. He was in California. She was in Chicago. I was in Seattle. By the time she got to California, I had a plan to get access to everything she needed but... she found... by his bed, a notebook of all the names and telephone numbers and passwords she needed after his death. He was organized and he was ready and he was a great roll model for me.

The last song playing as I got out of the pool was Barbra Streisand's One More Look At You. Which was a bit more dramatic than I felt about it all. Part of me would love to meet John for drinks and dinner and a good long visit and part of me is fine leaving well enough alone.

I am such a stalker

This may be the best photo I ever get of my wonderful neighbors. They and their cleaning lady are taking down their outdoor tree. (They took down the indoor tree earlier in the week.)

These guys would likely be totally freaked by how much time I spend watching them and missing them when they even go out for the evening and conjuring up their back story.