They didn't pick me

I just read all about the LJ post upgrade but, alas, I'm not good enough for the initial rollout. Yes, my feelings are hurt. It's not like patience is my long suit.

I just read that Amazon is buying Whole Foods. My problem with Amazon's food is their selection is just way too limited. My problem with Whole Foods is that their selection is way too limited. Neither place carries the stuff I want. Oh well. Maybe one day, I'll get the new LJ editor.

I think I'm getting better. Last night, I woke up maybe 2 or 3 times and was so very grateful to discover that I was not having any trouble breathing at all. At one point, I just lay there awake and aware and thankful. It was really nice. I have a cough but it's not an every minute cough and I can control it mostly by drinking liquids. And there is no wheezing (that's the first thing my doctor always wants to know). And, according to my tracker, I was able to swim faster and with more energy this morning than yesterday morning so I think I'm ok.

The gym was nearly empty and the pool was just me. No one else was swimming and even the old guys who hang in the spa weren't there. I did not see a soul the whole time.

I've got no big plans today. There may be sewing. There may be knitting. I'm making a sweater and am really kind of into it. I also may take a lunch walk. Either up to the park to check out the food trucks or over to Uwajimaya for one of their delicious poke bowls. Today maybe the last cool, cloudy day we have and I want to take advantage. Plus, of course, make my tracker happy.

Continued - The End-ish

When I was little, I thought that growing up meant kids and housework. I was not interested. When I was in college, I thought the world was coming to an end brought down by adults shooting Kennedys and civil rights organizers, not to mention the Vietnamese war, and I really wanted no part of it. I figured, I'd hang out until I was 27 and then end it all. (Really, I really did think this.)

But, in spite of myself I kept going and going and going and here at 68 years old, I seem to be pretty much fine and dandy. I know the end must be in sight and I'm fine with that, I just don't look for it.

I've had a very blessed and lucky life. I learned early on to evaluate for The Worst That Can Happen and make sure I can handle that worst and then go for it. That proved valuable over and over again.

I have not been a good friend or a kind person. I have tried but failed over and over again. Part of this is because I am such lovely company for myself and am not that good at sharing. And part of it is just an unaccountable personality defect. I wish I was different and there are many many things I wish I had done differently.

But, these days, I kind of live a what's done is done life. I do try hard to find an enjoy things in the moment and I have lots of those moments.

Writing all this down has been fascinating to me. It has reminded me over and over again what a wonderful 68 years I have had. And that's icing on the cake. I do love cake.



Any questions? Seriously, I'm happy to answer any questions any time.



I compiled all of these entries in chronological order (with an index!)

PDF Version

Google Docs version

My tweets

• Thu, 13:00: So. Yeah. I have a yarn cake addiction. @ The Florentine https://t.co/Ghaln3Bvul
• Thu, 14:02: Awwww Wonder if it was a free sample... probably, right? https://t.co/qaGIytzQNH
• Fri, 06:14: Solo swim @ LA Fitness - WEST SEATTLE/ SW ALASKA ST https://t.co/1sRWZGLhPl
• Fri, 06:53: @inafried 's newsletter never fails to deliver true bon mots https://t.co/6ZEVkbx1qH #axioslogin https://t.co/IAiX3fciwH

When being different is difficult

When I lay dying, I cannot imagine I will want to hook up with friends I haven't seen in 30 years. And I'm pretty sure I'm in the minority there. My old boss (IBM Real Estate days) just called me. For the first time ever since I worked for him. In the end, you just go dig up people from past lives. No me, but apparently it's a thing. He called to tell me that my friend, Earl, is dying. Earl had written after Christmas that he had anal cancer but was beating it and on the mend.

Joe says he never was beating it and now he's facing surgery where they will likely 'cut him open and then just bag him'. According to Joe, he's depressed and can't even find out when this surgery will be. Joe suggests I call him. And gave me his phone number.

Outside of the fact that I hate talking on the phone, I really don't like talking to Earl on a good day. Back 30 years ago, when we were friends, he was fine and fun but the older he got the crabbier he got and we moved so far away from being on the same page that we don't even go to the same library. I last saw him 30 years ago and since then, we've swapped Christmas emails and sometimes birthdays but nothing more.

I don't doubt for a minute that he would enjoy getting a call from me. What I doubt is my ability to make the call. I would not want to get such a call. I don't want to talk to him. And I feel so guilty about it that I probably will call tomorrow.

I bought a new sewing machine

A year ago last March, my $100 Singer machine died. The repair shop wanted $150 to diagnose the issue. Instead, I bought a Pfaff Passport 2. It was $450. It broke in 9 months and after six weeks, they wanted to charge me something like $200 to fix it. I argued for a week that I should pay $0 to fix a machine that was still under warranty. I finally $30 for the fix. In the last month or so, it's been having more issues. I do have a new fix it place to take it but I'm sure their base price for diagnostics is $100+.

So I did research this time. Lots of research. And found a machine that does everything I want It has tons of glowing reviews on Amazon, Reddit and various sewing blogs. There are a bunch of YouTube videos on how to make it do all the stuff I want. After taxes, it was $170. My plan was to order it, try it and if I didn't love it, send it right back. It came today. Early this morning, actually, and I do love it. I kept the box and packing materials but I'm only keeping them for a week.

First I tried all the tricks that my other one won't do well and then I tried some new stuff. Everything worked exactly like I wanted it to. And way better than the Pfaff. I may or may not even take it to get it serviced. Having two machines would be a luxury and one I probably don't need. I'll decide later.

But, for now, I've got a happy sewer. Finally.

There has been a loud and not interesting concert going on all afternoon in the parking lot across the street. It is, apparently, something called Vans Warped Tour and will not be ending soon. I have the door shut and so far it's not been too warm in here and has kind of dulled the noise. However, I can still feel the bass. I'm having a get off my lawn moment here.

Maybe I'll go sew some more. At least it's at the other end of the house where the noise is not quite as loud.

I called

I called Earl and got his voicemail and left a message and told him I'd call back. I called back and got his voicemail and did not leave a second message. I'll call again tomorrow.

I still don't have the new LJ edit screen. Come on, LJ peops. Please???

And so he called me

And we had a nice chat. It was fine. He sounds so old. He's 80 but still. He has his surgery on Monday. He's well aware that things 'may go south' but 'what happens happens'. I'm glad I didn't dodge talking to him. I think it made him feel a little better. At least I hope so.